There have been times this winter when staying up all night has seemed as futile as trying to persuade a Remoaner that Brexit is a good idea, or a Brextremist that the European Union is a land of milk and honey. You just get nowhere and end up tearing your hair out. And everyone involved gets thoroughly pissed off. However, last night was different. Australia’s batsmen were careless and England’s two senior batsmen took advantage. Suddenly everything was right with the world. It was...
Melbourne Day One
The kids got me up at 6 o’clock, and all I got was a pair of socks, I had to do all the washing up, and then obviously David Warner scored a hundred. Happy bloody Christmas. I don’t have much time to do a day one report I’m afraid. We’ve got the in-laws coming over in half an hour and I’m yet to make the coronation turkey. However, I have prepared the following pre-prepared statement on proceedings. Firstly, England’s team selection. How very predictable and...
The Blame Game
Getting thrashed in the Ashes is never easy. It’s humiliating. It’s embarrassing. And it’s about as much fun as watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with a hangover. However, when it happened in the 1990s and early 2000s we had an excuse (of sorts). We were playing against one of the best teams ever – a side boasting all time greats like Shane Warne, Glenn McGrath, and Steve Waugh. There’s no shame in losing to a team like that. The current Australian team, on the other...
Bring Back Darren Gough
A couple of weeks ago I was invited to a London pub to watch the Adelaide Test with Darren Gough and other England fans. It was promotional gig for Greene King IPA. Unfortunately I couldn’t go due to family commitments. I was gutted because Goughie is my favourite England bowler of all time. It would’ve been great to pick his brains about the current team, and ask him what playing in The Ashes is really like. Fortunately, however, the agency TVC were on hand to interview Goughie and...
England’s Future: Breaking Up Is Never Easy
Got over the events of Monday morning yet? Me neither. The post mortem is very much in full swing and it hasn’t been pretty. You could say it’s been Nathan Lyon handsome. Sorry. Things are so bad that not even cheap gags at the opposition spinner’s expense are cheering me up today – especially since news broke that he’s currently dating this stunning blonde. What a sad state of ‘affairs’. Anyway I digress. I’m not here to talk about...
As Advertised: England’s Ashes Debacle
Is anyone really surprised? Before the series began I predicted that Australia would win 4-0. I was probably being a tad optimistic. It didn’t take a genius to work out that genuine pace and high class spin bowling win matches down under, and that our four right-arm medium-fast seamers weren’t going to cut the mustard. As for England’s batting … well, I think we all expected Joe Root to score a few more (although I did express doubts about his technique on Australian...
