CategoryFun

“Don’t Break The Pavilion!” Five Common Reactions To Getting Out In Cricket

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Everyone reacts differently when they’re out. And Dan Splarn, the doyen of punched lockers and broken pavilion windows, has identified five main groups of people. Which category do you belong to? … 1. The Dressing Room Wrecker Every bloody week it’s the same, isn’t it? it doesn’t matter whether he’s made a golden duck or a sparkling ton, you know an almighty shitstorm is coming as...

Cricket’s Five Fancy Dress Favourites

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The Queen (with Beefeaters) Queenie will start off her day in dignified enough fashion – rising to her feet as the players run out to Jerusalem and accepting the cheers of her subjects as the crowd sings her anthem. Don’t be fooled though. This is only ever going to go one way as the day wears on. The fancy dress Queen and her Beefeaters will take a number of laps of the stand throughout the day...

A Codger’s Comeback

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Sooner or later we all fall prey to the pitfalls old cricket club sages warned us about. You know the kind of people? The unreconstructed types that played cricket every Saturday and Sunday for 40 years despite being married with 6 kids. When asked for their secret they’d simply reply that they “tell the wife, straight…” These people are always a curious combination of Geoff Boycott’s boorish...

10 Bold Predictions For 2017

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There’s still a week before the ODI series in India kicks off. That means there’s time to dust off the TFT crystal ball and have some fun. The predictions below aren’t necessarily the most likely eventualities, but I do think there’s a significant chance at least none of them materialise. And yes, my middle name is ‘caveat’. 1. Alastair Cook keeps his job … for now We all know the cricketing...

A Day In The Life Of A Cricket Nut

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It’s all been a bit negative around here recently (yes, I realise it’s mostly my fault) so it’s time for a change of pace. Today we have an enjoyable guest post from cricket writer Sam Blackledge. Play it, Sam I need help. I think cricket is taking over my life. It has become so bad that I’m seeing everything that happens to me through the prism of the game. I wake up...

The Gods Of The Game

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There’s not a lot going on this morning to be honest. We’re all waiting for today’s T20 to begin. So in the meantime he’s a a bit of light entertainment from Phil Ryan, who seems to have gone all Shakespearean on us … Bat. Check. White floppy sun hat. Check. Don’t upset the cricket Gods. Check! Check!! Check!!! This was my 1980’s checklist when I went to...

A Boyhood Hero – A Tail of Feud and Intrigue

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Today we have an elegant piece of nostalgia from guest writer Phil Ryan. Can you work out who his hero is? I really enjoyed this. Over to you Phil …. I was born in Yorkshire in the late Summer of 1966. Like all Tykes I was brought up to enjoy cricket. But I was different to my peers … Boyhood heroes are all well and good, but when you’re from Leeds and your hero is a Tunbridge Wells...

England Cricket Team To Change Name

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We have some breaking news for you. Alastair Cook has just announced that the England cricket team will henceforth be known as the Eagglnd team. Here are some quotes from the skipper: Although the England team has always been known as an entity called ‘England’, and this name has been a pretty successful formula for us over the years, we just feel that now, with all the changes to the...

The Commentary Dream Team

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Last week we ran the rule over England’s test and ODI squads for the UAE. However, there’s actually a selection dilemma far more pressing to discuss. Who will make the final cut when BT Sport assembles their spanking new commentary team for the 2017/18 Ashes? Who cares about the fate of Adam Lyth when Sir Ian Botham could be out of a job in two year’s time? In order to give the BT bigwigs a...

Ashes diary: wig-gate

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Every villain eventually returns to the scene of his crime. And in the case of cricket’s arch recidivist, so it has come to pass. David Warner today – while at the crease only briefly – made his re-appearance in Birmingham. Only two years have elapsed since the city bore witness to Ashes cricket’s most notorious bout of fisticuffs since Ian Botham and Ian Chappell...

The Sunday Soapbox

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In what could be, but knowing us probably won’t, become a regular Sunday slot on TFT, we will be giving readers the opportunity to pitch original, unoriginal, or just plain daft ideas to the cricketing public. The first of these comes from Ayelet Lushkov, who possesses by far the most insightful cricketing mind at the University of Texas. So take her ideas seriously folks. Her article is...

Cookfellas

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It’s the Bowlers’ Bar at Lord’s two weeks ago. ‘Dreadlock Holiday’ is in full swing on the jukebox. It has been a long night. Balloons and empty glasses litter the place. MATTHEW HOGGARD, a dishevelled old bowler in an out-of-date tour suit, is holding court at the bar. HOGGARD ‘Ave a sup on me. Gi’em all a sup. And gi’ them ECB hoodlums a sup. (We see two other men, PETER MOORES and JAMES...

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