Day 3 *** I see no need to write a day 3 report. We all saw it coming and we’ve been through the reasons why a million times before. I’m just going to ignore the cricket and try to enjoy my weekend. I suggest everyone does the same. Feel free to vent in the comments below if you think it will help. Personally I’m done with this bullshit *** Day Two If you saw the above headline, and hadn’t yet seen the score, you might think that England had lost already. It looks like...
Perth Day One
We haven’t had much opportunity to crow thus far on this tour so let’s indulge ourselves. Dawid Malan you absolute beauty! That was one hell of an impressive knock. He looked more and more composed as the day went on, and I think we’ve finally found ourselves a batsman. He came to crease with England in a spot of bother and coped with the pressure remarkably well. It beggars belief that Malan has been around the England squad for years yet only recently handed an opportunity...
It’s Time for Cook, Anderson and Broad to Prove It
My thesis today is a simple one. I’m not going to beat around the Australian bush. The time for understatement and pretty language has long since passed. England are losing the Ashes 0-2. The series could be gone within the next three to five days. And a big reason for this is that our big names haven’t come to the party yet. In fact, the only party they’ve been to ended up with drinks being thrown everywhere. Because of this, I’m a little exasperated with James Anderson, Stuart Broad, and...
Let’s Pour Cold Water Over This Duckett Farce
If only Jimmy Anderson could duck it. Then we wouldn’t have to talk about Duckett. I make no apologies for the awful joke. This whole tour is rapidly becoming a bad joke. And I’m not referring to the behaviour of the England players – which seems pretty much in line with behaviour on previous tours – I’m referring to the ridiculous overreaction of the ECB every time an England player farts too loudly. We all know about the Ben Stokes situation. It was bad and everyone knows it. But...
England’s Ashes Campaign: The Lamentable Truth
If Australia had ever lost 0-5 in England there would’ve been uproar from Perth to Port Macquarie and from Darwin to Devonport. It would have been a national humiliation – the nadir of Australian sporting history. And they would’ve made sure that it never, ever, happened again. If only the ECB cared about the Ashes as much. We’ve been beaten 0-5 twice in the space of eight years, and the last time it happened there wasn’t so much as a review into what went wrong...
A Plea To Joe Root, Our (Potential) Saviour
Oh Joe. What have you done? You’ve only gone and given us hope. You should know better than encouraging us. Now we all have to put up with blog posts like this one, which naively assume England are going to get close on day five … when in reality we’re going to lose our last six wickets in a flurry half an hour before lunch. At least we’ll have the memories though: the recollections of actually winning a day’s play down under for the first time since 2011. I can...
