Well, I enjoyed the first session. It was possibly the most entertaining passage of play all series. England’s tail knew they wouldn’t be able to survive for long, so they basically threw the bat at everything and hoped for the best. The fact we almost scraped up to 350 was a minor miracle. It’s just a shame that we used up five days worth of luck in the process. But can one really call it ‘luck’ when Australia fielded in such comic fashion? After Steve Smith flew...
Bloody Groundhogs: Day One at Sydney
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. England win the toss, Vince and Stoneman get starts but can’t go on, Cook can’t make it to 50 either, and neither (obviously) can Joe Root. England therefore look like they’re going to do well, but ultimately screw it up. The only slight surprise was that it took until the final two overs to screw the pooch this time. Normally the futility of our efforts becomes apparent much sooner. Unfortunately I think we know how the next...
Dead Rubbers & Dodo Competitions
Happy new year. I hope your bellies are bursting and your liver languishing somewhere on the lavatory floor. Mine certainly is. Which is usually a sign that a good time was had by all … or at least by me. I can’t comment on those who had to endure my drunken festive rants about political correctness, the Left, the Right, Brexit, the ECB, my kids, too much immigration, too little immigration, why there’s no brandy left, and who put cassis in my fifteen quid per bottle prosecco...
Stalemate: Steve Smith And That Bloody Pitch
I don’t know what depresses me more. Steve Smith or this bloody MCG pitch. Both made for a very disappointing, and at times unwatchable, final day. First we’ll talk about Smith … and only because we have to. The guy might be the new Shiv Chanderpaul in terms of style, but you have to admire his mental strength. The guy just doesn’t make many (if any) errors. He’s like Alastair Cook but better. And on surfaces like this, when the bowlers have no assistance...
Ball-Tampering Or Fake News?
Strewth. What a bunch of drongos. Show some Australians a photo of an English cricketer wearing a white sheet on halloween and they’ll claim our dressing room has been infiltrated by the ku klux klan. Sod the evidence. Sod context. Why bother gathering all the facts when there are professional reputations to tarnish? The Jimmy Anderson ball tampering row that emerged on day four at the MCG says a lot more about the nature of the Aussie media, it’s pundits, and the ignorance of some...
Alastair Cook We Salute You
I’ve never been Alastair Cook’s biggest fan. I doubt anyone has spent longer discussing his technical frailties against top class bowlers than me. At the end of the day, I just don’t like watching him bat. But I’ve loved and cherished every single second of his whitewash-avoiding double century in this match. My vocabulary doesn’t possess the superlatives to describe it. In many ways Cook has been a punchbag for English cricket’s dissidents over the years...
