Why vuvuzelas are worse than conches

A poll on Sky Sports news says 75% of viewers want to ban vuvuzelas from the football World Cup. Amen to that! Vuvuzelas are those hideous horns which the South African crowds blow ad nauseam – thus irritating anybody with half a brain (and football fans).

It’s not that we’ve got anything against indigenous instruments and cultures in general. West Indian crowds have long blown conch shells throughout five days of a test match. However, somehow conch shells aren’t annoying. They add to the atmosphere of the occasion – and importantly, you can still hear the crowds cheering and chanting. In our opinion, conch shells are an integral part of cricket in the Caribbean. When they were excluded from the 2007 World Cup in the West Indies, the tournament often seemed empty and soulless.

These vuvuzelas however are a menace – and we’d happily like to wrap them around Sepp Blatter’s neck. But failing that, Robert Green’s neck would probably do.

James Morgan


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