Those Aussies are at it again. Winning that is. But winning with class? Let’s just say they give sportsmanship the arse. And given the ugly scenes of David Warner abusing Quinton de kock as the teams walked up the dressing room stairs at Durban, the arguments surrounding Australia’s uber aggressive brand of cricket will get recycled all over again.

Many Australians will scoff at Poms getting on their high horse about cricketing etiquette. And in many ways they’re right. England’s cricketers have frequently behaved appallingly in recent years. They’ve urinated on the Oval outfield, thrown jelly beans at opposing players, and the aggressive posturing by the likes of Swann, Prior, and Broad when we won the Ashes down under in 2010/11 was completely unnecessary and unsightly. But they won the series so we all forgive them.

However, much as bad winners like to pretend that their aggression gives them the edge, as if acting like a prick is the reason they win rather than their skill, that doesn’t mean everyone has to like it.

Although I like to see a bit of needle in test matches – it’s good to know that the players are emotionally invested in a contest – it completely turns me off when players start acting like macho jocks at best, and brainless animals at worst.

Warner is certainly a player who oversteps the mark with alarming frequency. We all knows he’s a brilliant batsman, but we also know that he’s a complete liability when the red mist descends. I wonder what his two daughters would think if they ever see the footage of their father repeatedly trying to start a fight with de Kock – presumably because the latter had the temerity to score some runs.

You might be interested to know that Warner was named Australian Sports Dad of The Year in 2016. Yes, you read that correctly. After receiving the award he talked emotionally about how the responsibility of fatherhood has moulded him into a less volatile person. Someone please pass me a corset for I fear my sides are literally splitting.

However, rather than write another article about sledging, Australian sporting culture, or whether the ICC should do more to crack down on crackpot behaviour, I suggest we play a little game instead. Let’s call it the inaugural TFT caption competition.

What was our Davey saying to the South African wicket-keeper as he confronted him in the stairwell? I’ll ‘kick things off’ by suggesting the following:

“Hey Quinton de Kock, your a bit of a cock aren’t you. Yeah that’s right, a cock. Because you’re name is de Kock … yeah … you cock”.

Well, he’s always been a cerebral character has our Davey.

James Morgan