England Lose Some Cricket Match

When I sat down at my desk this morning, I briefly checked Cricinfo to see if anything interesting had happened in the cricket world. Maybe Giles Clarke had decided to identify as a woman after being deeply moved by yesterdays Suffragette celebrations?

What I found was considerably less interesting. England were playing a T20 against Australia. I have to admit that my heart sank. “Oh hell. I’d forgotten about that. Now I’ve got to write another bloody match report … and I haven’t even watched the game this time”.

Am I the only one who is completely and utterly fatigued by this tour? I suspect I’m not. TFT traffic is half what it was during the Ashes – thus enabling me to have a much needed break – and I doubt anyone (even a significant proportion of the players) give a flying frick about this tri-series.

But I guess we shouldn’t feel too sorry for ourselves for having to endure yet another utterly meaningless white ball series. Just think about poor Dawid Malan. He’s been away from home for about three and a half months. He probably can’t remember what his family looks like. Thank heavens they had the sense to let Joe Root go home a bit early.

I apologise if this seems like another go at T20. I quite like the game, purely as a bit of light relief now and again, so I don’t have a problem with these series in general. What I object to is the sheer volume of T20 and international cricket in general these days. We’ve just had the Big Bash and the IPL auction for heaven sake. We’re all too tired to watch more of the same. I think I might spontaneously combust once the IPL starts in a few week’s time. Arrrrgggghhhh.

What exasperates me is that administrators don’t seem to realise (or simply don’t care) that the more you have of something, the less special it becomes. If you eat fillet steak for dinner every night, you probably start craving beans on toast after a while. Or maybe your appetite goes completely and you just want a cup of Horlicks and an early night?

Of course, none of this is too much of a problem if you can simply tune out T20 and have a breather. Unfortunately however, this blog is supposed to be about the England cricket team. Therefore I can’t morally let a game pass without commenting on it in some way. So here goes. Excuse me if it seems like the most half-arsed match report of all time …

England 155-9. Australia 161-5.

Two teams took the field. One of them wore horrible red shirts. The other wore canary yellow. The one in red batted first, hit a few boundaries, but then lost too many wickets and could only scrape 155.

The team in yellow then decided to have a bat. They chased the runs pretty easily – probably because the red team picked blokes like Chris Jordan – and the capacity crowd of easily entertained and probably half-cut Aussies seemed pleased. Although they probably won’t remember the result in the morning.

Man of the match was some poser with the least tasteful beard I’ve even seen. He looked a mess. However, his batting was apparently quite impressive. Well done him.

Can I get back to work now, please?

James Morgan


  • Yes James quite. I probably won’t even watch the highlights, although highlights is a bit strong for this pointless tosh. 150 plays 150 again. What a bore.
    I don’t mind if you don’t comment on these, but I suppose some people like it.

  • The man of the match took 3 for 10 and then made 103 not out which is pretty good for a “poser”.

    I have also had enough of this tour. I am, however, looking forward to the tour of New Zealand which could be a close series.

  • You don’t have to do this James. Write when you feel like it and take a break when you don’t. It’s the best way. Life is too short. We will not forget you :-)

  • Obviously, the Natwest Blast was to blame and must be scrapped forthwith for a new domestic T20 competition!

    On the match itself, leaving out Liam Dawson was a big mistake. Crikey, did I just write that?….

    • I’m going to quote this every single time you comment on the blog from this day forward mate :-)

      • They left Dawson out on the spin-friendly pitch and then played him on the seamer-friendly pitch where he got predictably massacred!

        And there is no way there were 40k present at that second game today as the “official” crowd stats claim….

        • Well they can’t go admitting that it’s been poorly attended can they., 2020the saviour

  • I’ve never found that 162 regular season baseball games plus playoffs to be too much of a good thing and neither do millions of Americans, so why is t20 cricket different?

    • Because it isn’t aimed at Americans, who have a disproportionate tolerance for repetitive sport.

  • You capture the mood as usual James. Just let the poor beggars come home. Does anyone care enough to comment on the Roy “catch”? I doubt it, but for what it’s worth, I thought he dropped it.

  • Pity England can’t catch!
    btw James, why is the comment box now above the existing comments? A very minor problem, but it means that after I’ve scrolled down to read the comments, I have to scroll back up again to add a comment.

  • I meant to say that I’m looking forward to the England/New Zealand Test series. The last time they were over here it was an excellent series, and played in the best spirit that I can remember.

  • I’ve not seen it and won’t watch it. Very meh

    Don’t waste your time blogging about 2020

  • All true – except that I suspect David Malan is delighted at the opportunity.

    And Hales demonstrated he can’t field well enough.

  • England lose again …. lol .. so we are crap at tests and not good at 2020..just ODI then

    • ITs an excellent article.

      After 5 tests where 3 days were typically sold out and average attendence per day over the entire series was approximately 35,000, its been a struggle to draw that many to a ODI, or T20 even when they are being held during holiday periods. Clearly its good for the importance Test cricket, probalby not great for the game overall.

      Anyway Englands poor performance in the T20s is no doubt going to reafirm the importance of a city base T20 franchise competition in the ECB’s mind.


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