We came, we saw, we were rubbish. England beat the Netherlands today by the slimmest of margins. But after what can only be described as the worst bowling and fielding performance since err, the last World Cup, the players deserve no more than a kick in the nether regions. If you weren’t able to watch any of today’s game, make sure you see the highlights. But don’t worry if you’re working late and miss them, you’ll probably be able to catch the best bits on Saturday’s edition of You’ve...
Punter’s tantrums, chapter 812
Smashing up TV sets is normally the domain of rock stars, not Tasmanian cricketers – but yesterday Ricky Ponting came over all Led Zeppelin after his dismissal against Zimbabwe. As The Guardian report: “A furious Ricky Ponting took out his frustration at being run out in Australia’s opening World Cup match by smashing a television set with his bat in the team’s dressing room. “The incident during the Group A win over Zimbabwe was reported to the sport’s...
Another bright idea
It’s another twenty four hours before England’s World Cup campaign begins, so we’ve got some time to fill. We could talk about the weekend’s matches, but there’s nothing to say really. Kenya and Canada got hammered (who would have predicted that?) and India’s batsmen scored about a thousand each against Bangladesh. We’ll let the broadsheets try and find something interesting to say about that. Instead, we’d like to stimulate our readers’ imagination by proposing a revolutionary change to the...
The World Cup so far
Moment that gave the game away Sky Sports opting to anchor their coverage from the studios in west London, not on location in the subcontinent. Tacit acknowledgement that England supporters are ambivalent about the whole tournament. Most self-deprecating commentary Mike Atherton to Ravi Shastri: “Tendulkar’s made fifteen centuries with the same bat? That’s as many as I made in my whole international career. And that’s just what he’s done with one bat…”...
Cricket World Cup Preview – as dictated by an illegal bookmaker
It’s time to stock up on cheap beer and tell your boss you’ve got dengue fever. The World Cup is finally upon us! It’s going to be one hell of a rollercoaster – albeit one that goes on seven months or something. With England likely to be knocked out by Ireland as karma for poaching their best player, we’re all going to need somebody else to support come the knockout stages. This insightful, helpful, and definitely one hundred percent accurate, preview will help you choose that second team. And...
Innovative England bring fresh-thinking to the table
England World Cup strategy memo From: Andy Flower, team director To: Andrew Strauss, captain Straussy, As the tournament kicks off in only a couple of days, I wanted to set down a few final thoughts on how things are going to work. Now we’ve moved KP up to open the batting, we need to capitalise on this radical approach, and throw a few other ideas into the pot. 1. Bowling Catch the opposition by surprise – that’s always been my maxim. And on Asian pitches there’s a lot...
