We can’t bat, we can’t bowl and we can’t field. I suppose we knew that before today’s match started. Unless the pitch deteriorates alarmingly and gives us an unfair advantage, as happened against South Africa the other day, our boys simply aren’t up to it. However, after our appalling defeat to the out of form Bangladeshis, we can add another four ‘can’ts’ to England’s list of failings. We can’t pick the right team team, we can’t read a pitch, and we can’t pace an innings. We struggle to bowl...
A ‘Broad-side’ against the schedulers
It has just been confirmed. Stuart Broad, England’s hero from the triumph against South Africa, has been ruled out of the World Cup with an injured side. The news comes just twenty four hours after Kevin Pietersen, arguable our most feared batsman, flew home to have hernia surgery – thus ruling him out of the World Cup as well. If I had any hair, I’d tear it out. No wonder former England captains like Graham Gooch, Michael Vaughan and Nasser Hussain went bald after they retired. These injuries...
Selection headaches for Bangladesh game
Being a selector is easy when all the good players are fit. During the entire Ashes campaign, only one player – Stuart Broad – succumbed to serious injury. But world cups are never a breeze for an England camp, and KP’s hernia has ruled him out the tournament, while Broad’s side-strain makes him a serious doubt for Bangladesh on Friday. Cricinfo have gone as far as suggesting that Broad may even have to follow Pietersen home, so severe could the injury be. So who would...
A few World Cup questions to ponder
Why are England hell-bent on making the tournament entertaining? There have only been four good matches so far in this World Cup, and all of them have involved us. Given that English cricket has little affection for the fifty over format, why is our team going out of its way to make every game a thriller? Are we witnessing some bizarre form of altruistic match-fixing? Why else would they nearly lose to Holland, get duffed up by an Irish pub slogger and then beat South Africa? We should be told...
South Africa choke on England’s allsorts
The England cricket team is like a box of chocolates. No, I don’t mean it’s the exclusive property of Jesse Ryder, I mean you never know what you’re going to get. One day we lose abysmally to a bunch of amateurs, the next we beat the tournament favourites. Obviously it helps if the tournament favourites love a good choke, but who cares. A humiliating early exit from the World Cup now looks unlikely. Today we beat South Africa by six runs – a result which looked nigh on impossible when we...
England’s greatest humiliation
There are various theories as to why I have no hair. Some say its pattern male baldness. My wife tells me it’s excess testosterone (she’s being nice). However, I can now reveal the true reason. It’s from scratching my head after watching England’s many cricketing humiliations over the years. It all began (for me at least) in the home Ashes series of 1989, which England somehow started as favourites. After performing adequately in the Texaco Trophy, we performed like absolute spanners in the...
