While the relentless South Africans have been bowling out Pakistan for 49, there isn’t much for us England fans to do except twiddle our thumbs and look forward to the Ashes; we won’t get another crack at the flukey (ahem) Cricketboks until January 2016. Of course, there’s the NZ tour to look forward to, but we all know this is just a warm-up for the main event this coming summer. So why not begin the build up now? Guest writer Shaun Edwards, from www.eatsleepcricket.co.uk, gets the ball rolling. He’s found five reasons why the Aussies don’t stand a snowflake’s chance in hell against Alastair Cook’s boys. Here’s reason one; we’ll be posting reasons two, three, four and five during the coming days and weeks. Over to you Shaun …
I’ve heard one or two whispers amongst friends of mine recently. Whispers that concern me:
‘Oh, the Ashes is going to be too one sided.’
‘I hope it’s not as much of a walkover as last time.’
‘Yeah, by the Sydney test I was almost feeling sorry for them.’
Be still my vomiting colon.
If, like me, your first experience of English cricket came in the nineties, you probably understand my disgust at statements like these.
You probably also share the look.
English cricket supporters who grew up in the nineties all have the look. It’s somewhat akin to the thousand yard stare that soldiers returning from the Great War developed. Watching the South Africa ODI earlier this year, I saw a young boy observe to his father that ‘The batting is collapsing.’ The dad, a man in his late twenties, keenly encouraged his son.
But then the boy looked away, and I saw the face. The ‘I watched England get bowled out for 77 at Lords’ face. The ‘I watched Pakistan tour in 1992 and now all I hear is reverse swing bowling hitting the stumps’ face. The ‘I can visibly describe every McGrath dismissal of Atherton in vivid, horrible detail to you’ face.
If he’d been less considerate, he’d have screamed ‘BATTING COLLAPSE?!! YOU THINK THIS IS A BATTING COLLAPSE?!! BOY, WHEN WE GET HOME WE SHALL WATCH MY DVD OF THE 92 PAKISTAN SERIES AND THEN, MY SON, SHALL YE KNOW OF BATTING COLLAPSES.’
I might be over-exagerating slightly, but I’m sure you get the idea. In the end, the point is this: I will never, ever, ever get bored of watching England tonk Australia. Even if I wanted to, the moment my brain starts thinking things like ‘I wish this was more of a contest’ I’ll dredge up the memory of that damn Warne balcony dance and the vitriol will come flooding back.
So, my friends, join me in celebrating the five reasons why England will retain the Ashes twice in the next twelve months:
Part 1. Control.
And the Lord said, “by 2012, England’s depth of spinners will be grander than any in the world, and there won’t be any of that ‘carrom ball’ nonsense.”
Watching the recent ODIs against India, I was struck by a peculiar thought: I’ve never seen England’s third choice test spinner put in a bad performance. Though he might not be able to give the ball the same rip as Graeme Swann, or fling it at the same pace as Monty, James Tredwell is a serious, serious cricketer. He’s honed his craft at county level so well that the leap up to international level was nothing. He’s still putting the ball in the same places, just in front of more people. This is England’s third choice spinner. In the days of Croft and Tufnell, even our first choice spinners averaged above 35.
Why does this matter so much? Because even on a flat wicket, a good spinner is essential in plugging up an end. Ask Alastair Cook how valuable Monty’s 51 overs for 81 runs were at the Wankhede, and how easy captaining would have been if he’d had Xavier Doherty out there instead, being milked for four an over. Graeme Swann is a natural wicket taker, but you can guarantee that even if his elbow was to come a cropper, the inexperienced Aussies batsmen would still struggle to get Sir Monty or Sir Tredders (both men who would, incidentally, get into any test side except maybe Pakistan and New Zealand on a green-top) away.
That is, of course, only assuming the wickets will be flat. It may be that at The Oval, Adelaide or Sydney that an absolute ragger is prepared. If that is the case, then England will not make those subcontinent mistakes again: Panesar and Swann will both play, and they will tear through that Australian top order. With Ponting and Hussey gone, Australia are seriously short of batsmen who’ve proven that they have the capabilities to deal with the turning ball. They will be bubbling with confidence too: having humbled the Indians in Mumbai, the SCG can hold no fear.
Shaun Edwards
