Last year our festive dreams came true when England retained the Ashes at the MCG. This year, we’ve got nothing left to ask for – except perhaps the stamina to make it through to midnight on Christmas day; it’s always a struggle to stay up for the initial skirmishes from the Boxing Day test (especially after eating our own body weight in turkey and drinking half a pint of Drambuie).
But what about the players who have given us so much to talk about this year – what have they asked Santa for? Our spies in the North Pole have given us the following inside information …
The Sri Lankan team: Want some form of victory; failing that, a pay cheque.
Sachin Tendulkar: Twenty five outside edges that go to the third man boundary (might be the only way he’ll get another ton)
Andrew Strauss: A year’s supply of Regaine (sorry skip)
Shakib Al-Hassan: Ten new teammates
Shane Warne: A pair of oven mitts seems to be in order
Pat Cummins: A pair of crutches, a pack of bandages, and the number of Shaun Tait’s surgeon … he’s going to need them during his career
Lalit Modi: Some mates
Ricky Ponting: Santa has come up empty. Despite his best efforts, he can’t buy Punter a run either
Saeed Ajmal: One of those cricket shirts with the sleeves cut off just below the elbow
Stuart Broad: A DVD of Adam Sandler’s Anger Management
Phil Hughes: The baby of Australian cricket will be hoping for something from Fisher Price’s My First Technique range
James Pattinson: An English passport. Come on, you know you want to. Don’t you miss your brother?
Graeme Swann: A chauffeur, obviously
Chris Gayle: The abolition of test cricket. May all your dreams come true mate. Not.
Salman Butt: I’m afraid the ex-Pakistan skipper won’t be getting any presents this year. He’s been a naughty boy.
James Morgan
Hope Salman Butt has a pool ball in his stocking for the inevitable xmas day prison fight.