Imagine you’re one of Australia’s fanatics for a second. Close your eyes and concentrate. Now put down your imaginary pie and think about what your team requires to win the second test. (You might also want to hide that copy of Playboy by the way).
You’ve just seen your attack flayed by England at the Gabbattoir, so changes could be afoot. But what should the Aussie selectors do – other than bundle Mitchell Johnson into the back of a helicopter and drop him somewhere in the outback without a compass?
Now this bit’s going to be hard, but you’ve also got to be realistic. What you want as an Australian is probably impossible. Kylie Minogue prefers European men – get over it. And the Aussie selectors have backed themselves into a corner by dropping Nathan Hauritz amongst other things.
Xavier Doherty didn’t have a great game in Brisbane, but the selectors can’t drop him now. They should have listened to Shane Warne, who knows a thing or two about spin bowling. Therefore your chances of getting your best attack onto the field at Adelaide are zero.
As an Aussie supporter, you might be a fan of Steve Smith. You might even convince yourself that picking Smith enables the selectors to pre-order that helicopter for Johnson. If Johnson goes you’ll need someone capable of batting eight – and Smith is the only alternative.
But is Smith reliable enough to be your only spinner? His first class record is poor – and if you watched Ian Bell take him apart at Hobart you’ll doubt whether he can keep the runs down. Of course, you could pick Smith alongside Doherty, but why pick two substandard spinners when the only slow bowler in Australia with a decent test record is playing for his state?!
The fast bowling conundrum will also play havoc with your grey matter. And it’s not going to improve your hangover. Like Ricky Ponting you might want Ryan Harris to play in Adelaide. Why not? He’s quick, aggressive, and the Poms haven’t seen a lot of him.
But who would Harris replace? Peter Siddle was your hat-trick hero last week and Hilfenhaus is your Mr Reliable. And don’t forget, if Harris replaces Mitchell Johnson, the Aussie tail will be even longer than Harris’ injury record.
Perhaps that’s why, like an increasing number of Aussies, you’re toying with the idea of radical change. Maybe Smith could come in for Marcus North with Brad Haddin moving to number six? This might enable your boys to field four frontline seamers (with Bollinger or Harris coming in for Doherty) but then when would Shane Watson get a bowl? Your team would, in effect, have too many bowlers and not enough batting.
As an Aussie fan you’re probably rather confused by all this – a problem us English fans don’t have. The Barmy Army knows that come rain or shine England always pick four bowlers – and their names are always Anderson, Broad, Finn and Swann. It’s called consistency of selection and strategy, and its why, deep down, you suspect England might win.
James Morgan
