The Real Challenge this Winter

asleepinfrontTV

For English cricket, an Ashes tour down-under conjures up all kinds of images and emotions: there’s the abuse we get from Aussie fans sitting in Sydney’s infamous Bay 13, there are the painful memories of our batsmen having their heads knocked off at Perth, and who can forget the intimidating atmosphere on Boxing Day at the MCG when 90,000 Australians in canary yellow replica shirts start baying for English blood?

An Ashes tour down under is every England cricketer’s Everest: emerge victorious and you’ll be immortalised. However, nothing, and I mean nothing, our players face this winter will be as difficult as the twin challenges facing thousands of ordinary England cricket fans back in Blighty: (a) managing to stay awake all night to watch the action, and (b) going about your normal routines – including holding down your day job – in the process.

Anyone can stay up for a single period of twenty-four hours. All you need is some good coffee, a packet of ProPlus, and a determination to see things through. But can you do it for the duration of a test match: five days in a row? Some fans struggle to watch Jonathan Trott bat for an hour in the middle of the afternoon without falling asleep. Doing it when the clock says 3am is almost impossible.

Occasionally, a match will be so tight that adrenaline sustains you. But the ebb and flow of a test match is unlikely to produce wall-to-wall excitement. There are times when one team goes into its shell – as batsmen cling to survival, the run rates fall. This is when a champion cricket fan really needs to dig in, too. Pour yourself another coffee and don’t give it away.

If you can cope without a normal night’s sleep for one test match, then you can do it again. Fear not that repeating the feat for another four matches (that’s another twenty days!) requires the mental and physical prowess of Atlas. You can do it!

But remember that staying awake is only half the battle. You must simultaneously stay in your boss’ good books. Doing so when you’ve effectively been reduced to a sleep deprived zombie for most of the winter takes guts.

We believe the best tactic is to perfect the art of ‘power naps’. Try to get five minutes whenever you can – on the train (preferably not in the car if you’re behind the wheel), in the loo, under your desk, every opportunity to recuperate should be seized.

Lunch breaks also provide the perfect opportunity to get some shuteye. Utilise every second you’ve got – and eat a sandwich at your desk when work recommences. If that’s not enough, invest in a pack of matches. Eyelids can be propped up, you know.

But perhaps the best way to ensure that you don’t miss a single ball, whilst remaining gainfully employed, is to keep yourself motivated. Give yourself a well-earned treat to look forward to:

At the end of day five of the fifth test at Sydney, when Alastair Cook is joyously lifting the world’s smallest but most important trophy above his head (hopefully!), celebrate your own personal accomplishment – perhaps by pouring yourself a refreshing glass of whatever tickles your fancy.

Some might think that for the average cricket fan facing an over from a world-class bowler like Jimmy Anderson is the ultimate challenge – a heroic club cricketer tried exactly that recently in The Strongbow Cricket Challenge – but we think that defying human biology and our natural craving for sleep is the best way to demonstrate one’s inner-strength and ultimately command the respect of one’s peers.

Defeating the sandman is the best way, in the words of Strongbow, to truly ‘earn it’.

James Morgan

3 comments

  • On the last ashes tour (10/11) I saved holiday and watched the majority of 4 tests. Had 2 party’s to attend during the Perth test so virtually missed all of it.

    I don’t have the same appetite this year so have saved hardly any holiday. Think I’ll be going for the getting up early and watching it on x12 before work.

  • I have prepared very thoroughly for this Ashes series by having six month old twins who will continue to keep me up all night and therefore I will have no need for an excuse to watch all the sessions of play.

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER

copywriter copywriting