It’s time for a change of pace today. I’ve scoured the internet to find the best cricket jokes and I’ve unearthed the following funnies. Obviously I’ve tweaked them here and there to give them a distinct TFT flavour. Enjoy …
What’s the difference between Cinderella and Keaton Jennings?
Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.
Why do Australians play well in South Africa?
Because cheetahs are a protected species there
Grow your own dope – plant Tom Harrison
What do you call a cricket field full of ECB board members?
A vacant lot
I kept wondering why the cricket ball was looking bigger and bigger. And then it hit me.
Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman go out for a stroll one day.
They soon come across a sign:
Beauty contest to find the most beautiful woman in the world …
“I’m entering” said Snow White.
Half an hour later she returns and they ask “How’d ya get on?”
“1st Place!” says Snow White smiling.
They continue walking and see another sign:
Contest to find the world’s strongest man
“I’m entering,” says Superman.
Half an hour he returns and they ask him “How’d ya get on?””
“1st place” boasts an ecstatic Superman.
They continue walking and see yet another sign:
Contest to find the world’s biggest liar
Pinocchio enters.
Half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes…
“What happened?” they enquire
“Who the f–k is Colin Graves?” asks Pinocchio.
Why did the Aussie break his leg throwing a ball?
He forgot it was chained to his foot.
A frog accidentally hops into a smoothie maker
Turns out it’s Paul Adams
A Friend of mine is a retired cricket umpire. He doesn’t lift a finger now.
A man calls the hospital where his pregnant wife was giving birth. But he accidentally rings Lord’s by mistake.
“How’s it going?” he asks.
The assistant replies “We’ve got four out and expect to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck.”
If you had a cricket ball in one hand and a cricket ball in the other what do you have?
A rather impressive male cricket
What’s the greatest Ashes rivalry of all time?
Kevin Pietersen and Matt Prior
Doctor: “What’s the matter?”
Patient: “I’ve got a cricket ball stuck up my arse”
Doctor: “How’s that?”
Patient: “Don’t you start”
This blog post has backfired spectacularly
Much like Nasser’s decision to bowl first at The Gabba
I hope you enjoyed some of these. Feel free to add your own cricket jokes in the comments below. Cheers :-)
James Morgan
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Very funny James. Clever too. There are many laughs to be had here. Great stuff.
Just a couple of Tim Viners I came across recently.
Why do cricket grounds have floodlights.
Because bats are nocturnal.
Local cricket team went on tour abroad but didn’t need jabs.
They never catch anything.
More about footie than cricket the best VAR rant to the tune of Nick Nack Paddywack.
VAR you’re so crap,
Take a hint and don’t come back,
With a burn those monitors before we die of shame,
Flags and Whistles take back the game.
A wishful thinking cricket version of Jack and Jill.
Colin and Tom went up the Hill,
To play their Hundred or Shorter,
They both fell down as they thrashed around,
They should have stuck to the water.
Two favourite football chants from a few years back were Arsenal’s (to ‘Blame it on the Boogie’) “Don’t blame it on the referee/don’t blame it on the injuries/ don’t blame it on Henry/Blame it on Eboue” and Everton’s “Leighton Baines, I bet you think this song is about you”.
Funniest things in cricket I can remember were Paul Downton’s interviews.
Did you hear about the team who didn’t win a proper game for over a year and kept all the same coaches….oh crap that actually happened!