‘That Johan Botha’s a chucker’ …. but is he?

Move along please conspiracy theorists, there’s nothing to see here

You knew it was coming, didn’t you. Pakistan fans will know what I mean. Every time a spinner ties England up in knots the predictable old excuses come out: ‘We didn’t lose fair and square, that bloke’s a cheat!’ Or ‘James Kirtley was the best bowler that ever lived, but that Saeed Ajmal is Beelzebub in long sleeves’. If only we had a quid for every time we’ve heard comments like that.

The fact of the matter is that Johan Botha was called for throwing a few years back, but it’s in the past. He’s done a lot of remedial work on his action and he’s been cleared to play after private tests in which he did his best not to chuck it – so that’s the end of the argument. What more can the poor bloke do? What more can the authorities do for heaven sake?

Isn’t it time all ‘real cricket fans’ – only those who enjoy diversity / rule bending (whatever you want to call it) meet this definition – moved on? Surely the fact that Botha’s action looks worse to the naked eye every time we see it is irrelevant? He’s a joy to watch. It’s bowlers with ‘very jerky’ (©David Lloyd) actions that make the game so interesting.

Who wants to watch orthodox purists / bores like Bishen Bedi when we can watch the new generation of elbow flexors? Besides, the javelin was a very popular event in the Olympics. If Jessica Ennis had opted out of that part of the heptathlon, she wouldn’t have won her gold medal. And she’s gorgeous. Isn’t it time cricket capitalised on the skills displayed by our brilliant Olympians?

The other thing that South Africa and Pakistan fans have noticed is that these horrific and totally unfounded accusations of chucking only surface when England lose. When England beat South Africa 4-0 in the ODI series of 2008 (when a bloke we’ve never heard of called Kevin Pietersen was England captain) the Barmy Army didn’t complain about Botha’s action at all. Well, only every time he bowled anyway.

It’s the same every time with the arrogant English. In the recent test series in which the Cricketboks stole England’s number one test ranking unfairly, by beating us comprehensively 2-0 and outplaying us in every department, accusations of foul play against Dale Steyn were commonplace. We weren’t at any of the test matches in person, but we’re sure we heard the crowd accuse Steyn of being ‘too bloody good’ on several occasions. Bloody cheat.

Furthermore, the English media never give credit when it’s due. Not once did they say that South Africa were the better side and deserved the number one tag; they said it about a thousand times.

And how about all that praise that was heaped on Hashim Amla? They said he was probably the best batsman in the world on current form. Typical bloody racists. It’s a conspiracy against Muslims, that’s what it is.

England fans’ criticism of the ICC for not stamping down on chucking is also totally unfair. The ICC have made it very clear that those bowlers with suspect actions will be outlawed from the game irrespective of their status, nationality, religion, ethnicity, sexuality, hair colour, the size of their manhood, or whether they prefer Blur or Oasis.

In fact, just last week they handed out a lifetime ban to 11 year old Guyanese transsexual Louise Razzak. The poor bloke will now miss the final of the Quick Cricket ‘Free Alan Stanford’ Cup, sponsored by Rubicon. Meanwhile, Johan Botha continues to represent his country at the highest level. Discuss.

James Morgan

3 comments

  • Post a link here from Cricinfo and you’ll get lots of comments… most of which will have missed your point (and sarcasm) and make all sorts of outlandish comments…

  • Maybe someone should do that! Then again do we need their kind here? What amuses me is that Indian observers have been more audible on the chucking issue than their English counterparts like bob Willis. Yet it’s all racist, isn’t it ;-)

  • His action is terrible. I can’t believe he is all to bowl in that fashion with long sleeves to hide the evidence. Hope youngsters are suitably ‘inspired’ to not even bother to bowl properly.

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