TFT Ashes player ratings

Now the dust has settled, and Darren Lehmann has gone home crying, it’s time to reflect on our players’ performance during the Ashes. Who triumphed in the crucial moments, and which players were largely passengers on the good ship HMS 3-0.

We’ll try to be as fair as possible here – utilising statistics when necessary, but also looking behind the statistics too. Let us know if you agree or disagree. All Ashes player ratings are scores out of 10.

Alastair Cook 4 – It’s almost blasphemous to criticise the England captain in some quarters, but we never let sentiment get in the way of a good moan. The poor old skipper had a bit of a shocker. His series average of 28 was the lowest of England’s top 6 (even lower than Jonny Bairstow, who was dropped) and his captaincy was negative and frequently reactionary. At Durham, England looked set to lose the match until Andy Flower had a word in Cook’s ear at tea on the final day.

Cook should bat a lot better in Australia (where the bouncier pitches will enable him to cut and pull more regularly), however, despite his career stats it’s hard to escape the feeling that Cook often gets found out against the very best attacks. Cook has amazing mental strength, but the real top players have the ability to drive through the off-side naturally whilst transferring their weight forward without thinking (this means bending the front knee). Ask yourself this: how many truly world class batsmen are completely neutered by a plan as simple as ‘pitching the ball up’? 277 runs at 28.

Joe Root 6 – Hmmm. Maybe it would be better for Joe to return to the middle order. It’s not because I think he’s incapable of opening (his technique is pretty good and his temperament is sound), it’s just that he’s a horrible partner for Cook. There isn’t enough of a contrast: both of them hang on the back foot and dislike driving early in their innings. Let’s just reflect on this a bit – a pair of openers who hesitate to get on the front foot and nullify any lateral movement – it’s hardly ideal.

The problem with Cook and Root as a pair is that bowlers can bowl exactly the same length to both without fear of being punished. England need a dominant front foot player to open with the skipper – then it would be much more difficult for England’s opponents to bowl with such unrelenting accuracy. 339 runs at 38.

Jonathan Trott 4 – We can hardly give him more marks than the skipper. Both batsmen were very disappointing, although at least Trott looked more fluent and scored more quickly. Trott must thank his lucky stars he’s playing in an era where pitches and bowlers are relatively slow: his weakness against the short ball is worrying.

Having said that, Trott is usually a rock, and I expect him to sort his problems out before Brisbane – unless, of course, his friendship with Owen Wilson continues to be a distraction. Since he was cast as the lead role in Wedding Crashers, Trott’s batting has been a little inconsistent. Maybe that notorious Aussie, Isla Fisher, deliberately messed with his mind. Don’t trust Hollywood women, Jonathan. 293 runs at 29.

Kevin Pietersen 6 – Despite scoring more runs than Root (who also got a rating of 6), KP is no ordinary Joe – expectations are much higher. Apart from his cameo at The Oval, Pietersen was never really fluent. His century at Old Trafford was crucial, but he was never quite at his best. He’ll probably rediscover his mojo during the ODIs, although I hope the selectors don’t force him to play in every game. The last thing we need is for KP to suffer burn out. I’d like him to keep playing international cricket until the 2015 Ashes – which looks like a natural swansong.

However, the longevity of a batsman who plays exclusively off the front foot must be questionable. As soon as his eye starts to decline, KP’s runs will probably dry up dramatically. It will be interesting to see if the Aussies bombard him with short balls this winter – just to see if his reactions are still what they used to be. Hooking Ryan Harris off the front foot on a rock hard deck won’t be easy. 388 runs at 39.

Ian Bell 9 – Ian Bell is the Kelly Brook of batsmen: easy on the eye and sumptuous. I apologise for bringing up good-looking women on a cricket blog – especially as we have many female readers, including my wife (who is bound to deal with me later) – but I simply cannot find any other words to describe Bell’s batting. I thought about comparing his batting to a classic Aston Martin (Steve Smith would be a Lada), but no car is as smooth and classy as Bell in imperious form. Quite simply, his batting has been delectable. And Danny Cipriani must be mad. 562 runs at 62.

Jonny Bairstow 4 – Heeeeerrrrre’s Jonny, soon became Where’s Jonny? And “back in the pavilion” was usually the answer. Poor old Bairstow just didn’t look like a test player to me; which was a real shame because he played pretty well last summer. He’s obviously got lots of talent, but his technique doesn’t seem watertight.

He must also learn to rotate the strike better if he’s going to overcome the considerable handicap of being ginger. At Durham he seemed to be stuck in block or slog mode. Fortunately for Jonny, quality middle-order batsmen are thin on the ground in country cricket – which is probably why the selectors decided to give Woakes a game at The Oval. James Taylor has his supporters, but we’re yet to be convinced. We doubt the selectors are either. 203 runs at 29.

Matt Prior 3 – Ever since Prior was named England cricketer of the year at the start of the summer, his performances have been about as convincing as Arnold Schwarzenegger’s acting – which is quite apt for someone who until recently was considered England’s all-action hero. Fortunately however, at TFT we’re firm believers in the mantra ‘form is temporary, class is permanent’. Therefore we expect Prior to return to his best down under this winter, while Steve Smith (yes, we’re picking on him again) will probably follow up his ton at The Oval with three pairs in a row. Here’s hoping eh.

When Prior is starved of runs, his keeping suffers and his ability to judge when England should use DRS is on a par with Michael Clarke’s. We still love him though (unless he keeps dropping catches). 133 runs at 19.

Tim Bresnan 6 – It’s amazing how fickle cricket fans can be. Before Bresnan had Warner caught behind at Durham, most observers were calling him a useless carthorse. Thankfully we weren’t one of them – although we did point out that his first class bowling average is above 30 and he’s only ever taken 6 five-wicket hauls for Yorkshire. However, after Bresnan finally got one to bounce and nip away off the seam – something he’d be trying to do unsuccessfully for most of the match – he was suddenly hailed as a world class bowler who was indispensible to the side. His stock rose even higher at The Oval, when Chris Woakes failed to impress in his absence (although Woakes actually bowled with more pace than Bresnan).

Obviously, the truth lies somewhere in between these two extreme views. Bressie is a cult hero, a good team man in the Ashley Giles mould, and he’s a reliable test bowler. However, if England want to be the best side in the world, the bottom line is they’ll need to find a better third seamer. 10 wickets at 30.

Stuart Broad 9 – He wasn’t as brilliant as Ian Bell, but he gets an extra mark for winding up Darren Lehmann. Technically, Stuart Broad is a cheat. However, so is every member of the Australian side (and the England side too for that matter). The idea that it’s ok to stand your ground when you know you’ve got a thin edge, but a horrific crime to wait for the umpires decision when it’s a thicker edge, is about as pathetic as making a racist remark to a Sri Lankan cricketer (we’re not going to forget that one, Boof).

It’s a shame the whole cheating saga overshadowed what could be described as a ‘coming of age’ series for Broad. When his tail is up, he’s fully fit, and operating over 85mph, Broad looks like a world class bowler. If you think about it, he’s probably next in line to replace Cook as captain if the unthinkable ever happens (although the idea of Broady deciding when to utilise DRS sends shivers down my spine). 22 wickets at 27.

Graeme Swann 8 – Part of me wanted to give Swanny 7, as he wasn’t quite at his best in this series. The fact remains, however, that he was the leading wicket taker on either side and he’s still a complete legend. His dominance of Chris Rogers was also more important than people think: just as the Aussies found someone who could hold their top order together, Swanny neutralised him decisively.

Let’s hope Graeme can keep playing until 2015, because judging by Kerrigan’s chastening debut, and Monty’s erratic off-field antics, there’s nobody of sufficient quality waiting in the wings. By 2015, Swanny’s amusing son, Wilf, might be able to resist destroying Ian Ward’s microphone too. 26 wickets at 29.

Jimmy Anderson 7 – Mr Anderson, also known as Neo, looked unstoppable at Trent Bridge, but his efforts obviously took their toll. He was below par at Old Trafford and Durham, but returned to his best at The Oval, where he led England’s three man attack heroically. England need to wrap him up in cotton wool until Brisbane, because he’s the second best bowler in the world, and England can’t afford to keep bowling him into the ground.

By the way, does anyone else suspect that Jimmy’s on the verge of punching England’s top order batsmen? Little Jimmy, as we used to call him affectionately ten years ago, is now a somewhat broody, aggressive, macho man. He must be sick of bowling his heart out and then watching England’s batsmen squander the advantage he’s earned. If I was Alastair Cook, I’d start scoring some runs pronto. 22 wickets at 30.

Honourable mention – Chris Woakes. Everyone was so disappointed with his bowling that they waxed lyrical about his batting, even though all he showed was a clear mind and the ability to play straight (which is a good start, but hardly signals the arrival of a white Garfield Sobers). Sometimes I wonder how much county cricket the so-called media experts actually watch. After seeing him bat tidily for half an hour, TMS and Sky claimed repeatedly that he looked every inch a ‘batting all-rounder’ not a bowling one. So why is he Warwickshire’s number one opening bowler, but only their number six or number seven bat?

Time will tell whether Woakes can become a genuine all-rounder – I happen to agree that he has more potential with bat than ball – but he’ll need more than six first class hundreds before I’m convinced. We’ll watch his career with interest. Let’s see how he compares to Ben Stokes in the ODIs.

Dishonourable mentions – Steve Finn and Simon Kerrigan. Will the real Finn stand up please? At times he looked unplayable in the ODIs in India. This summer he looked lost – completely devoid of rhythm and confidence. I sense that David Saker isn’t the man to get the best from Finny. Things like this happen. Troy Cooley was a great bowling coach for England, but he almost destroyed Jimmy Anderson.

As for Kerrigan, one can only hope he’s made of something springy and durable – because he’ll need to bounce back quickly. England were stupid to pick him when they did – he’d been bowling badly for a while before The Oval – but what concerns me is his action. Not only is he short, he puts little or no body action into his bowling and hardly utilises his front arm. I’m amazed his first class stats are so good with an action like that – indeed, I’ve rarely been so underwhelmed at seeing a young cricketer in the flesh after reading so many good things in the media (and before you jump down my throat, I saw him bowl before the fifth test). One can only hope that he doesn’t normally bowl with so little body action, and he simply got the yips due to nerves.

And what did we think of Australia? Darren Lehmann seemed to galvanise them, but is a blokey larrikin really what Australia need? The players seem to like him, but some of his selections, and decisions to mess around with the batting order, were simply bizarre. Lehmann looks like a gambler to me – which can be either a good thing, or a very bad one. Perhaps he’ll become the saviour of Australian cricket; or maybe he’ll say and do the wrong thing one too many times. In which case, he’ll spend the rest of his life gambling on the Pokies – we recommend PokiesPalace.com.au to him.

England have question marks hanging over them – our top order failed to make 400 in the entire summer – but the fact is Australia have more. Of the so called ‘finds’ of the tour, Rogers is not a long term solution, and neither is Harris. Meanwhile, Steve Smith (him again) was hailed as an emerging talent, but he scored almost exactly the same number of runs as Joe Root, who most Aussie observers thought was a weak link. It’s amazing how desperation can warp one’s perspective.

Having said all that, however, Australia do have some very good cricketers. Michael Clarke didn’t really fire in this series – much like Cook and Trott – and it’s unthinkable he’ll suffer another barren run in his home country. If Clarke, Rogers, Warner, Watson and Co can cobble together enough runs, we all know the Canary Yellows have the firepower to take 20 wickets. England should retain the Ashes down under this winter, but they’ll have to play a lot better than they did at home.

James Morgan