Tagperformance squad

Do not adjust your browser. The headline actually makes sense. It’s Afrikaans for ‘a look at the England performance squad’. I know this because I’m the ECB’s new interpreter – a position recently created to translate all communications into multiple languages; a move designed to reflect the racial diversity of the England cricket team. In case you were wondering, that’s why test match tickets for Lords are going to cost a whopping £85 this year (something’s got to pay for my salary, after all)...