Oh for goodness’ sake. And there we were, thinking it couldn’t get any worse.
On Friday we awoke to good news for the first time this series, but we should have known it was too good to last. Immediately, abruptly, we were plunged into another nightmare start to a day – waking up to find the score is so much worse than even our most pessimistic predictions.
We knew that our strong overnight position could quickly unravel. But then again, we thought – we are due some runs. Several of our batsmen are overdue a proper innings. For the first time, they were due to bat under only mild pressure, and with our side in control of the game. Things would be different this time, wouldn’t they? The answer was no – save in the respect that they were even worse than before.
Even after all we’ve been through during this tour, as supporters, the catastrophic double- implosion of our innings is a real kick in the face. How on earth did it happen? The factors which undermined us in the three previous tests weren’t really in play. Our batting just disintegrated for no apparent reason whatsoever, leaving bloody Nathan Lyon with a non-turning five-fer.
What a dreadful shame, and what a dreadful waste. Our very real chance of winning the test match, and avoiding the whitewash, has been completely squandered. If only we could have mustered another 60 or 70 runs. Remember, at one point we were 86-1, and then 173-5. And yet we were still bowled out for 179. The fact that even after that shambles we still left Australia a significant target only underlines what could have been.
Time and again over the last few weeks, I have written something along the lines of ‘today was even worse than what’s happened before’. But somehow, it carries on getting even worse and worse – redefining impossibly severe new parameters for the entire cricketing concept of ‘worse’. Because today was the darkest day of all – until the next one.
As the start of today’s play approached, we were nervous about the fact that Australia were still only nine wickets down. This last year has taught us that the last four Australian wickets usually matter far more than the first four, especially when Brad Haddin is still in. Bloody Haddin, I mean, what a absolute pain in the arse he’s been. In all four matches of this series we have done well against their top order in the first innings, and all four times, Haddin has ruined it for us.
Even so, what actually happened in the first hour of play was so clichedly predictable that even we supporters wrote it off beforehand as too far-fetched. It won’t really happen again, will it? OK, maybe they’ll score another ten runs, but surely Lyon’s not up to much with the bat.
None of us had really budgeted for them making another forty. Forty! Our last five wickets, by contrast, went for only six runs.
I’m usually fairly loath to put the boot into our players unless I have to, but one area in which I ran out of patience years ago is our approach to closing out the tail. We’ve been dreadful at it for years, even during the good times, and there were several occasions in the 2010/11 series when we almost let Australia back into a match, and in fact did so at Perth. What’s hugely frustrating is that Cook, Broad and Anderson seem to have learned nothing from any of those debacles, including the farce at Trent Bridge last July when Ashton Agar flayed us around.
Why can’t they just set conventional fields and bowl normally, aiming for the top of fourth stump? Instead, they brainlessly and pointlessly insist on banging in it short, time and again, with ludicrously predictable results. I have sympathy for our players for much of what’s gone wrong on this trip, but when it comes their approach to the tail, I have none whatsoever.
Nor is my attitude to the Australian players softening after another day of their graceless and ugly behaviour. Yet again, most of them spent the day snarling and cursing – especially Warner and Johnson – as if they’re still nursing an almighty chip on their shoulders. Johnson’s contretemps with Pietersen was beyond excuse or redemption. Let’s be plain: Johnson is a nasty piece of work and I loathe the very sight of him – from his atrocious moustache to his vulgar armful of tattoos. His career has been a pathetic joke until this series gave him a consolation prize, and yet he struts around like the reincarnation of Malcolm Marshall.
Australia’s continued bitterness, rancour and acrimony is impossible to explain or justify. They have already won the series, for heaven’s sake, but still act as if the victims of a terrible injustice. Even Brad Haddin, one of the less obnoxious members of the cast, got into the act today, mouthing off to Joe Root after the latter’s caught-behind dismissal was overturned on DRS. The review showed very plainly that Root didn’t hit it – there was no noise, no deviation, and nothing on either Hotspot or Snicko. Rather than just accept the umpire’s decision, Siddle began moaning to the field umpires, and the crowd (almost certainly aiming at Root) booed and cursed.
Australia have the Ashes and are about to go four-nil up. What exactly is their problem?
I have now changed my view on Swann’s mid tour abandonment. He was right, the only problem is that he didn’t take 10 others with him!!
Very poor to unravel the strong position we were in.
The nasty behavior is deliberate because they believe this is why they’re being successful. It is indeed utterly brainless, but this is ingrained in aussie cricketing culture. Remember Steve Waugh’s lot behaving like cave men and being shunned by their own public? They won because they played great cricket, not because they behaved like macho pricks, but they didn’t seem to notice.
I find all the bitterness between fans quite pathetic really. Yes, it comes from the players behaviour to some extent, but sometimes it’s like we all threat the ashes like a war. England and Australia are close allies and a enjoy historic friendship. Why all the bitterness? It’s human nature at its worst. It’s not like it’s a real war against Al Qaeda or anything. If an alien landed and looked at the ashes objectively, it would conclude that cricket fans and cricketers are immature brats beyond redemption.
I think your the problem Maxie – I mean this is not your first spray of bitterness towards the Australians, when really most readers actually identify you as a frustrated, p*ssed off English fan looking for a stick to beat the Australians with. Ridiculing them where you can, Aussies can’t bowl, can’t spin the ball, can’t bat and are not that friendly – so if the Australians are all of these, then what on earth are the English? The English were giving it hard over the last Ashes series, in particular the last tour to Australia when England were ruthless in their execution of Australia, but nasty, horrible pieces as well. Anderson, Prior, Pietersen were at the forefront of aggressive sprays, but they could back it up. This where a big difference lies in this series – Australia are giving out and backing it up, whereas England are not, they can’t because they have been caught out on the backfoot.
It’s staged aggression, and I know for a fact that the players are having a beer with each other after each days play. Unless Cook gets in front of the mic and says it’s too much aggression and nastiness and we would like it to stop, it will always be there -but he’s not, he won’t and it might just make the young guys tougher cricketers in the long term. How good would Joe Root be when gets a bit rougher round the edges? If England were giving it to the Australians (like before!), you would be saying it’s great to see the English with some fire in their bellies etc etc. Works both ways.
Get over it Maxie, it’s pantomine at it’s wonderful best and you really should stop being such a sook.
I think your the problem Maxie – I mean this is not your first spray of bitterness towards the Australians, when really most readers actually identify you as a frustrated, p*ssed off English fan looking for a stick to beat the Australians with. Ridiculing them where you can, Aussies can’t bowl, can’t spin the ball, can’t bat and are not that friendly – so if the Australians are all of these, then what on earth are the English? The English were giving it hard over the last Ashes series, in particular the last tour to Australia when England were ruthless in their execution of Australia, but nasty, horrible pieces as well. Anderson, Prior, Pietersen were at the forefront of aggressive sprays, but they could back it up. This where a big difference lies in this series – Australia are giving out and backing it up, whereas England are not, they can’t because they have been caught out on the backfoot.
It’s staged aggression, and I know for a fact that the players are having a beer with each other after each days play. Unless Cook gets in front of the mic and says it’s too much aggression and nastiness and we would like it to stop, it will always be there -but he’s not, he won’t and it might just make the young guys tougher cricketers in the long term. How good would Joe Root be when gets a bit rougher round the edges? If England were giving it to the Australians (like before!), you would be saying it’s great to see the English with some fire in their bellies etc etc. Works both ways.
Get over it Maxie, it’s pantomine at it’s wonderful best and you really should stop being such a sook!
Doug. Love the way you posted as ‘anonymous’ and then double posted as ‘doug’. Kind of gave the game away ;-)
The debate here is getting rather tedious – I feel like I am reading the comments on CricInfo or watching Nicky Campbell’s “The Big Questions”.
Yes Australia have played much better cricket than England this series (indeed England appear devoid of confidence and ideas but that is what happens when you start losing). But I don’t think anyone should get carried away: presently England are not as bad as they appear, nor are Australis as good at the moment as they appear.
What is really getting to me is the vitriol surround the series, both on and off the field. To be clear, I have not taken sides over the behaviour and pointed out that England are, and have been, no angels. The fans are worse, and the discussion on various forums, including this one are not good “banter”. To describe it as “pantomime” really does attempt to legitimise some of the behaviour we are seeing and condemns those suggesting it all fine.
Time for all to grow up and let the cricket do the talking.
I tend to agree Teece. Emotions get high, I’ve been guilty of this myself, but it’s only a game at the end of the day? I think it’s time to introduce ‘taunting’ penalties like they do in NFL. 15 runs should do it. For those who don’t know NFL, ‘taunting’ is rubbing the opposition’s nose in it in an unnecessary and aggressive manner that reflects badly on the game. Of course, normal celebrations are allowed, and can be quite imaginative and passionate, but nothing classless or distasteful is allowed.
I apologise if the argument has become slightly circular!
But I’d like to make one final point, which is to emphasise the difference between aggression and bitterness. There is nothing wrong with either side being very aggressive to each other, and in a verbal way too.
What I can’t understand, however, is the sheer bitterness of the Australians’ attitude, even now, with the series won.
Players have always been pretty vile to each other around the crease, but in this series we’ve seen things we never have before – especially, elevating that behaviour from the privacy of the middle to public displays of rancour. For example, the booing of Broad to the crease at Perth – he was injured, and the series already won. This was surely unprecedented in Ashes history.
I should also make the point that although we welcome readers, and their comments, from around the world, our role is to speak from the point of view of an English supporter. We are not neutral analysts, and as supporters our emotions are engaged – consequently, our posts reflect those emotions. Our views are subjective and personal, but heartfelt, and we never expect or want everyone to agree with us.
I don’t think booing anyone in an Ashes series at any time whatever state of their fitness is unprecedented. That’s a unproveable comment as the Ashes is a ****ing old series.
Poor old Gazza, no-one respects him not even Aussie fans and certainly not the Aus selectors. He was getting nice drift while getting those wickets, his drift and drop are his strong points anyway. He admitted that the strong breeze was a big factor in that. But how can someone that shit end up with 100 wickets in test cricket?
For that matter how can someone as shit as Johnson and who has apparently never really played well before be closing in on 250 test wickets?
Mysteries of test cricket.
This Aussie fan respects his career and his contribution, if not the timing of his departure. Maxxie’s spitting bile irony against the Aussies is a treat par excellence though. Such indignance, such self righteousness is something to behold. Mitch of the atrocious moustache, vulgar tattoos, loathesome to behold….. His joke of a career, skittling your lads with (loathesome) abandon. Ah yes, bitterness, rancour and acrimony.
His figures this series deem him more fitting of a Knighthood than some recent “cricketing” recipients but methinks that may not be in your scheme of things poor Maxxie, hmmm?
You certainly have made this Ashes far more enjoyable, priceless even. Thank you, Maxxie, you are a gem, if unintended. Have a biscuit.
Maxie,is KP pulling away on numerous occasions when the quicks are about to bowl good sportsmanship?it was a 38 degree day.That would make anyone’s blood boil,so it’s a bit rich to go on about sportsmanship.Cook and co have played the last two series in terrible spirit,slowing down overs,constantly replacing fielders etc.And you wonder why the Aussies have had enough of their antics.I’m sorry but learn to take your beating and stop moaning like an auld one.
Nice whinge about the aussie,s , you forget about the bouncer barrage Agar got over there.If you cant match aggression with aggression in proffesional sport then get out I am sure there is a tiddly wink league over there.Typical whinging Pom attitude nothing like sore LOSERs
One other thing, good on you for still posting. Some excellent English bloggers have given up since the first test.
Winning or losing does funny things to memories. If English complaints of ill-fortune are just whinging as a bad loser – than why are Australians still booing Stuart Broad for not walking at Trent Bridge? At the end of the 2013 series, the general Australian attitude was not “well played England, you were better than us”, but an enormous amount of griping and truculence. Few Australians accepted we deserved to win the series; instead, they generally blamed everything on our skulduggery and luck.
I also presume that none of the Australians currently complaining about English self-pity have ever mentioned Kasprowicz’s glove, or McGrath treading on that stray ball?
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