One of the lowlights of the pre-Ashes media banter is the kicking our lads usually get in the Australian press. I would write ‘gutter press’, but that goes without saying – there is no highbrow press down under. Unfortunately for the critics however, England have started the tour pretty well. We beat Western Australia in fine style, and we’re well poised in the second warm-up match against the Red Backs in Adelaide. The Aussie hacks therefore haven’t found a lot to snipe about yet. However, that hasn’t stopped Ian Chappell from having a pop at Alastair Cook, who the former Aussie captain has called England’s ‘Achilles heel’.
To be honest, we don’t really mind people slating Cook. For a start, his observations are entirely obvious and predictable. We already know that our vice captain has ‘a lot of flaws in his game’. And we all agree that it’s a ‘hell of a gamble’ not having a third opener in the squad. But Chappell forgets this hasn’t stopped Cook from scoring over 4,300 runs at an average of nearly 43 – and he’s still only twenty five years old. Not bad for a young ‘un.
Cook might look like a cross between Shiv Chanderpaul and a hermit crab at the crease, but unlike crustaceans the Essex opener doesn’t go into his shell when the going gets tough. In fact, Cook seems to save his best for when people are slagging him off the most. So our advice to Mr Chappell is this: keep saying ‘it wouldn’t surprise me one little bit if Cook fails’. We’ve been calling him useless for years, and you know what, the stubborn little beggar’s still in the team. What’s more, he’s still scoring enough runs to suggest he may become England’s highest ever run scorer one day.
Whenever it looks like Cook’s form can’t get any worse, and the calls to drop him become almost deafening, he’ll go and score the most unlikely hundred. Most of those runs will probably come off the outside edge, and he’ll probably be dropped a couple of times, but we don’t care how runs are scored if they help England to win the Ashes. Cook to score a ton at Brisbane? The more stick he gets, the more likely it is to happen.
Australian to English Translation – Quotes courtesy of Australia’s Daily Telegraph
‘No-Finn to write home about’ – Not a bad pun that one (for an Aussie) but we prefer ‘The Might Finn’
‘Graham Swann, England’s Quirky Off-Spinner’ – Quirky??? He’s the best spinner in the world my friend and don’t you (insert expletive) forget it!
‘James Anderson, who averages over 80 in tests in Australia’ – Yes, but he averages about thirty overall
‘England’s glamour quick, Stuart Broad’ – Yes, he is better looking than Peter Siddle and Doug Bollinger, but he can also bowl a bit too.
James Morgan
whats happened of that picture of cook with his wicket on the floor captioned -what does he have to do to get dropped?
George Bush might have been a muppet, but the American people rallied around him after 9/11. The Ashes is England’s time of patriotic sabre-rattling! I have never rated Cook, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be supporting him and wishing him well in the Ashes. Besides, as the article points out, the more people criticise him, the more likley he is to score runs. Slagging off Cook has become a fruitless occupation. At some point you’ve got to accept he’s the only opener we’ve got, and back him to the hilt.
Blimey – I assume an Australian hacker has broken into the Full Toss website, impersonated James and written an article praising Cook. If future stories include slagging off Vikram Solanki and stating that Worcester Rugby are back in the rightful position in the second tier of English rugby then we will know there is malicious work afoot.