Round one to England – and Australia’s low blow

England 269-6 (50 overs). Australia 221-9 (50 overs)

Boxing isn’t everyone’s cup of Twinings, but the blogosphere would be a much poorer place without boxing analogies. Saturday’s ODI at Edgbaston was round one of the forthcoming heavyweight contest between England and Australia. England didn’t quite secure a knockout blow – they’re far too cautious for that – but they won comfortably on points.

George Bailey’s team must have felt like Wladimir Klitschko’s latest opponent: the Aussies just couldn’t get close to an England team which eventually wore them down through technically proficient jams (or in this case dot balls and quick singles). There were no pyrotechnics – what we saw was one side slowly but inevitably demonstrating its superiority in all areas. And didn’t it feel good.

There was little bit of a panic at the half way stage, when everyone thought England’s total was thirty runs short, but at the end of the day England had a plan. They thought they’d win with a total in excess of 260, and so it proved.

All the gnashing of teeth about Bell and Trott’s lack of acceleration, and Ashley Giles’ dull as dishwater tactics, proved utterly unfounded. It’s not the first time England have made us bloggers look dumb.

What we all forgot was this: Ashley Giles, Ian Bell and Jonathan Trott know Edgbaston better than the backs of their hands. It’s their home ground. In other words, they knew better than us.

Once I heard that the highest chase in the history of ODIs in Birmingham is 280, England’s 269 suddenly looked a whole lot better. The much maligned Gilo – the man many fans think has brown nosed his way to the top – had got it right.

And not for the first time, we all owe Trott an apology too. You’re not the most boring batsman on the planet, Jonathan, you’re a genius. Us fans, on the other hand, are nothing more than village idiots … and we’ll keep saying so as long as you keep beating the Aussies.

Talking of apologies, the Aussie batsmen could be doing a lot of that this summer. With the exception of Mitchell Starc – who was supposed to be Australia’s secret weapon, but looked like a cross between Mike Smith and Jack Shantry – the Canary Yellows bowling looks pretty decent. The batting, on the other hand, was as abysmal as advertised.

The nature of their dismissals was particularly promising for Jimmy Anderson and Co. David Warner was caught flashing at a wide one, and Phil Hughes got his feet into an awful tangle. Whoever taught Hughes how to bat should be shot immediately; there’s unorthodox, and then there’s just plain bad.

Unfortunately, however, much of this is being overlooked in Australia right now. They’re all asking why England were able to reverse swing the ball so much; the intimation being that foul play was somehow involved.

We’ve got two things to say to these lunatics: (a) England don’t always get reverse swing – our failure to do so was the reason why we almost lost a test series in New Zealand recently – therefore to suggest that England are serial cheats is about as accurate as a Mitchell Johnson longhop. And (b) England’s bowlers had local knowledge on their side; Ashley Giles is a Warwickshire man who knows more about exploiting dry conditions as Edgbaston than you’ll ever know about anything. So there.

Let’s hope we hear more of these absurd fantasies in the coming months. If we do it will mean England are beating Australia, and beating them well. As it stands – and I’ll return to the boxing analogies for a second – the Aussies have suffered an early blow. They look a bit dazed and confused – hence the ridiculous accusations of cheating (a low blow) – whilst England are strutting confidently back to their corner knowing their opponent is already on the ropes.

As for us England fans, we’re as pleased as punch.

James Morgan