Ingenious ways to improve the IPL

I stumbled across ‘The Huddle’ on Cricinfo today. It’s a forum where cricket experts discuss the latest news via video-conferencing. The debate is chaired by Jarrod Kimber, and this week’s guests included former Sri Lanka all-rounder Russel Arnold.

The topic of conversation, as if it would be anything else, was the IPL. Kimber suggested they implement a ‘transfer window’ in the middle of the season, to let teams swap / trade players. This is because, in Kimber’s words, the middle week of the IPL is a little slow, and a transfer window would help to spice things up. It would also give journalists plenty to chew over.

This got us thinking. What else could the IPL introduce, other than a transfer window, to make it better? We’ve come up with some ideas:

– Bring in an IPL Cup. Not every team is consistent enough to qualify for the final stages of the IPL via the league, so why not introduce a knock-out tournament to run concurrently? This would give the rubbish teams a chance to lift some silverware whilst giving the best clubs the opportunity to win a glorious double. I’m sure a good sponsor could be found to get the idea off the ground. What about Budweiser?

– Introduce relegation. If a team has performed badly over the course of the campaign, why not throw them out? They could play in a separate competition the following year and try to earn promotion back to the elite. The great thing about this idea is that it gives the poor teams something to play for until the very end of the season. All that’s needed to get this one off the ground is a catchy name for the lower tier. What about ‘The Championship’.

– It’s pretty obvious to all of us neutrals that nine teams simply isn’t enough. It gets boring after a while. Who wants to see the same teams play each other time and again? What they really need is another, say, eleven teams. This would take the total to twenty. Sound good?

– Surely the idea of playing cricket in coloured pyjamas is old hat these days. As the IPL is all about innovation, why not invent a new type of cricketing uniform instead? As India has a warm climate, I don’t see why the players couldn’t wear shorts. If they’re worried it might get a little nippy in Mumbai during the evenings, let them wear tall socks (you know, the ones that come all the way up to the knees). Overseas players could also be allowed gloves and / or snoods.

– There’s far too much respect shown in the IPL. Nobody questions the umpires’ decisions. To spice things up, fielders should be encouraged to complain bitterly whenever things don’t go their team’s way. There’s nothing like seeing irate sportsmen swarming around officials swearing their heads off (even though they’ve got no chance of reversing the decision). We think this one’s a no-brainer. It might even entice Ricky Ponting to the IPL after all.

– The best way to increase demand is to cut supply; even the stupidest economic students know that. So instead of showing IPL games on terrestrial TV, the rights to show live IPL cricket should be moved to exclusive satellite channels. Ordinary plebs will still get to see some action, but this will be restricted to a highlights package on Saturday evenings at about 10.30. Even though they’ll show multiple games, this programme should be called ‘Match of The Day’ (singular).

– Indian crowds are known for their passion. Ask any player what they love about the IPL and they’ll say ‘the atmosphere inside the grounds’. Well, just because something’s good doesn’t mean it can’t be improved. There are far too many girly screams when dramatic things happen in the IPL. What’s really needed is some good old fashioned partisan chanting. The next time Malinga nearly decapitates a batsmen, the crowd should be encouraged to sing “you’re going home in a St John’s rickshaw”.

– Finally, a maximum of three substitutes should be allowed during an innings. If Harbhajan Singh is being dispatched into the stands too regularly, his team should have the right to replace him. The same goes for Adam Gilchrist. If he looks like scoring another duck, some other ageing no-hoper should be dragged from the dressing room to replace him. Smart batting sides could even use substitutions tactically to waste time, slow down the overrate, and ultimately get fielding captains banned.

Alongside the introduction of a transfer window, these changes are sure to make the IPL better, brighter, louder and more fascinating. In fact, as the IPL is determined to become a global brand, which spreads the joy of T20 across the world, why not just drop the ‘Indian’ from ‘Indian Premier League’? The new name, ‘The Premier League’, would be much more appropriate.

James Morgan