Christmas might be over but here at TFT we just keep giving. In fact, we’re giving you ordinary plebs the opportunity to join (well, apply for) a position on the ECB’s shiny new T20 Board as independent directors.
Here’s the Job Description which was passed to me by one of our many rebel spies inside cricket. His identity will remain anonymous lest he get lynched by the cricketing stormtroopers.
The ECB’s new T20 Board will consist of two representatives from the counties, two ECB executives, and a whopping five independent directors. This means there’s a (very) slim chance we could sneak Maxie, Dmitri Old, Piers Morgan, Aussie Tom, and The Pub Landlord onto the board. And wouldn’t that be fun?
As you’ll see from the above link, the task of these independent directors will be to establish “a global entertainment brand”. I assume they mean something like Disney Pixar. Once established, this new cartoon network will “attract a new audience” by producing Ben Stokes cuddly toys and handing out sweets between overs.
The very future of English cricket depends on the success of the new franchises. After all, “future ECB participation programmes will be directly linked to this new competition”. A key role, therefore, must be to inspire the next Alastair Cook to bat like Aaron Finch and score flashy fifties for the Nottingham Nincompoops rather test hundreds for England.
Talking of the Nincompoops, a key responsibility of the T20 board will be to “oversee the incorporation of each new team entity”. This will surely be a breeze for regular TFT readers. We’re full of ideas here: from the Cardiff Contractors to the Manchester Mercenaries. Feel free to add your own ‘identities’ in the comments below.
The next step is to “design and finalise the player draft”. Here’s an idea: make salt of the earth Yorkies like Bresnan and Lyth play for London clubs, and well-spoken Southerners like Gubbins and Roland Jones play up in Leeds. It’s a surefire way to make the politically and ethnically diverse crowds really identify with their new artificial and soulless franchises.
At this point I know you’re all queuing up to join the white ball revolution. However, I should point out this job isn’t for everyone. It’s strictly business heavyweights only. In fact, the responsibilities are so burdensome that you’ll be required to spend at least ten days per year fulfilling the role. There are also bimonthly meetings. One wonders how you’ll find time to do anything else?
You’ll also need the innate ability “to quickly understand the strategic opportunities” the city T20 provides and offer “high-level advice”.
Now this is the easy bit. Everyone knows this is the ECB’s perfect opportunity to kill off a few first-class counties. And as for the strategic advice, I can give the ECB a pearl of wisdom right now: forget the whole stupid idea.
Happy New Year everyone!