CategoryNZ v Eng 2019

I love a good tour of New Zealand me. The scenery is gorgeous (unless they’re playing in Aukland), the people are nice, the teams are evenly matched, and the weather is good but not so good that you immediately want to emigrate. But unfortunately this wasn’t your ordinary New Zealand tour. The scenery was pretty (especially at Mount Maunganui) but the cricket was pretty dull. What’s more, there was an unsavoury incident when a local racially abused Jofra Archer. I guess every...

Imagine this. You’re an England bowler. You’ve bowled a massive 82 overs in the space of ten days. You’ve taken just two wickets at a cost of 105 runs each, your captain has questioned your effort in public, and you’re part of an attack with the worst collective series strike-rate in the history of the England team. And then this happens off your bowling – click here. Was it the biggest dolly of all time? I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Although I have...

Good news. We’re not going to lose this game. Ok, there’s a remote possibility that we might get bowled out in a session, ahem, but even the most pessimistic England supporters should feel pretty relaxed with our situation overnight. There’s even a slim chance that we might force a win. Although I’d whisper this one very quietly lest we jinx it. Once Root and Pope had navigated the first session the nerves completely dissipated. New Zealand’s ambitions were reduced...

For all the recent talk about who might replace Joe Root as captain, there was always a much simpler solution at hand: Root keeps the job, rediscovers his batting form, and improves his captaincy skills. He’s done the first bit already. And that’s a huge step forward. I really enjoyed watching Joe bat last night. It was like having the old Root back. The exaggerated trigger movements had gone – it looks like that horrible experiment we witnessed at Mount Maunganui is over...

Well, this isn’t going particularly well. New Zealand looked by far the stronger team on day two and we’re already struggling to keep the match competitive. Sigh. I thought this series would be tough but I didn’t expect us to get such a pasting. It’s been like watching an eight year old try to beat up a bear with a feather duster. Normally I’d have some sympathy for the team in such circumstances. They do try their best after all. However, on this occasion I...

I was tired yesterday evening. So tired, in fact, that I accidentally shut my eyes at 9pm and woke up an hour later just before play had begun. I was still drowsy and half-asleep when I looked at the composition of England’s side and assumed – wrongly it turned out – that I was still dreaming. But it wasn’t a dream. It was more like a nightmare. Five seamers? FIVE effin’ seamers? I suppose we should’ve guessed that England would be this stupid. I speculated...