I don’t think I’ve ever felt so nervous waiting for a batsman to reach three figures. I didn’t even particularly care about the wickets falling at the other end for a period. It was all about Rory Burns. Could he reach those three magical figures? When the moment finally arrived I was chuffed to bits for the bloke. He waited years for an opportunity – far too long in fact – and it came in Sri Lanka, where spinners are the staple diet. And as we all know, spinners...
The Rodent Returns – Day 1 at Edgbaston
Today’s play was painful. We had our collective boot on Australia’s metaphorical throat but the opportunity slipped away. And it’s all because of Steve Smith. Yes him. The ginger rodent. The bane of our existence. I wish I could say Smith was lucky. I wish I could say that he cheated. But he wasn’t and he didn’t. He was absolutely outstanding. And I guess we just have to salute the bloke – through gritted of teeth of course. Broad and Woakes bowled superbly but Smith was the one...
A Comedy Of Batting Errors? The Definitive TFT Ashes Preview
So the Ashes is here again. Are you ready? Don’t worry if you feel less prepared than a priest at a brothel. You can’t be less prepared than England are. Half our team haven’t played more than a single first class game all season, and some of them are still drunk after the World Cup celebrations. Bodes well doesn’t it. Fortunately, the visiting Australians are no great shakes. And it’s a good thing too. Had it been the Waughs, Ponting, Warne, and McGrath turning up...
Tim Paine: The Poisoned Chalice Of Dreams
Australia look stunned. That’s the only way to describe the vacant husks that have replaced the real Australian side. Over five days at The Wanderers, they look like eleven men whose minds are so far from their task that they may as well be on Mars. Tim Paine has barely been back in the side a few months, and now the captaincy has been thrust upon him in his 13th test match. How long he’ll hold on to the role, nobody knows, but he’s the only man trusted to lead in the wake of one of the biggest...
Relief
The England test team doesn’t have many strengths these days. But it can win, and usually does, if the groundsman prepares an archetypal seamer’s wickets and the weather Gods feel sympathetic enough to provide overcast skies. This is the brew that’s been hiding our general frailties for a few years now. And this very specific elixir – this time gobbled up gratefully by Broad and Woakes – came to our rescue once again at Lord’s on Friday. Ireland needed 182...
A New Low
Let’s start with the positives. Erm. Ollie Stone looked good I suppose. And now for the negatives … What in the name of Zeus’s pubic hair was that? I’m gobsmacked. To get bowled out for 85 in a single session is bad enough. But to get bowled out by Ireland? At home? After winning the toss? It’s completely inept and a total humiliation. In any other era this would lead to captains being sacked, coaches being replaced, and petitions being drawn up. But in this era of...
