Remember this next time you’re feeling charitable towards the Australians
Australia 200-9 (50 overs) England 201-2 (47.5 overs)
It’s amazing how things change. Yesterday there was a lot of chat on Twitter about how boring the ODI from Durham was; ‘if only the Aussies could put up a bit of a fight’ seemed to be a popular opinion. Really?
During the 1990s the Australian public seemed to say similar things about us. They cheered the likes of Darren Gough and Michael Vaughan because they at least delayed the inevitable Canary Yellow triumphs. However, I always suspected that they didn’t mean it. Deep down, I think it was just a more subtle way of patronising us.
Therefore, to prevent us from following in the same vein as our antipodean cousins, let’s take a different approach. Let’s celebrate every success over the old enemy as if it was 2005 all over again:
Let’s revel in their demise. Let’s cheer the fact that they can’t find a better number three batsman than Peter Forrest – and yes, let’s tolerate predictable puns about him being unable to see the wood from the trees.
Watching us beat the old enemy might seem predictable now, but remember how our inevitable defeats of the 1990 and early 2000s felt: think Mark Taylor chewing gum faster than Mark Illott’s opening deliveries were dispatched to the boundary; think Ian Healy plundering a crucial half century just as it looked like we might actually dismiss the Aussies for a low total; think of Craig McDermott and Merv Hughes snarling like rabid dogs – and think of Shane Warne waving that stump above his head on the balcony (while his stomach wiggled around like vodka jelly). How can beating that lot possibly get boring?
So next time England beat Australia at a canter, give them all the abuse they can take. Then give them some more. Beating the Canary Yellows is brilliant in any match. So surely beating them by a country mile – like we did at the Riverside yesterday – is even better.
James Morgan
