Banger the queue barger

For cricketing celebrities there is no place to hide. That’s right, The Full Toss is watching you. We’re kind of omnipresent you know.

Indeed, just this morning one of our spies (ok, some bloke we know) had a run-in with a rather famous ex-England player. One who should know better ….

Our informant, Mr Simon Taylor, was at Heathrow Airport earlier today. He’d just returned from a week’s holiday on some paradise island (or the Isle of Dogs – details are sketchy at this point).

However, despite being refreshed from his holiday, he was suffering from air rage; a condition that affects over 100% of English passengers when they’re confronted with enormous queues at immigration after a long haul flight.

Tutting and mumbling swearwords under his breath, Simon spotted what appeared to be a queue barger (most likely a German one) slipping under the ropes to escape the crowds and cheat his way to the front.

Having been deprived of sleep for 24 hours, Simon grumpily gave the etiquette violator a piece of his mind (well, he suggested in no uncertain terms that he should ‘get to the back of the queue mate’).

When the toerag in question turned around, it was none other than ….. wait for it …. Marcus Trescothick.

Never before have our illusions been shattered so brutally. Marcus is a living legend; a man who biffed Shane Warne for sixies and dispatched Brett Lee into various grandstands. He should really have been England captain for many a year – but instead, it turns out he’s nothing more than a socially irresponsible hoodlum who wantonly (and cynically) exploits his celebrity status for personal advantage at airports.

Tut tut Marcus. We expected more from you. You didn’t even stop to sign autographs. I’m dropping you from my fantasy cricket team forthwith. That’ll teach you.

James Morgan