AuthorDaniel Splarn

“Don’t Break The Pavilion!” Five Common Reactions To Getting Out In Cricket

Everyone reacts differently when they’re out. And Dan Splarn, the doyen of punched lockers and broken pavilion windows, has identified five main groups of people. Which category do you belong to? … 1. The Dressing Room Wrecker Every bloody week it’s the same, isn’t it? it doesn’t matter whether he’s made a golden duck or a sparkling ton, you know an almighty shitstorm is coming as soon as the Dressing Room Wrecker (DRW) is sent on his way. Of course, this is absolutely hilarious –...

Cricket’s Five Fancy Dress Favourites

The Queen (with Beefeaters) Queenie will start off her day in dignified enough fashion – rising to her feet as the players run out to Jerusalem and accepting the cheers of her subjects as the crowd sings her anthem. Don’t be fooled though. This is only ever going to go one way as the day wears on. The fancy dress Queen and her Beefeaters will take a number of laps of the stand throughout the day – watch as she becomes increasingly unsteady on her feet as the day wears on and the pints rack up...

5 Village Cricket Stereotypes

Here’s Daniel Splarn’s village cricket stereotypes – an entertaining look at the characters we see every week on the village green. The Permanently Angry Fast Bowler We’ll start with an absolute staple of village cricket: the habitually furious fast bowler. A perfectly sound and decent bloke off the pitch, this 33-year-old insurance broker becomes a different beast entirely once he’s crossed that white line. You’ll find him striding towards the wicket for another 45 overs of...

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