Australia’s bunch of crocks?

In Billy Birmingham’s hilarious parody of England’s last Ashes tour, the 12th Man revelled in England’s misfortunes with injury. The story even referred to a spoof print of the Poms’ walking wounded, which included a ball lodged in Paul Collingwood’s teeth and Steve Harmison paralysed by home sickness. The photographic montage, which was memorably called ‘a bunch of crocks’, was priced at a very reasonable one thousand dollars framed or two thousand unframed (or something similar) – an absolute bargain to gloating Aussies I’m sure.

So what will England fans make of Australia’s decision to name a massive 17-man squad for the first test in Brisbane? That’s bigger than England’s entire touring squad – and even more hilarious than Birmingham’s description of a recalled Tony Grieg opening the batting in his antiquated crash helmet. The Aussie selectors called the decision ‘prudent’ as they’ve got quite a few injuries. However, from an England perspective it looks a little bit desperate.

Considering the form of Graeme Swann, it seems unlikely the Aussies will prepare a Bunsen at the Gabba. So why was it necessary to name three spinners in the squad?! It’s surely a lack of faith in Nathan Hauritz rather than expediency. Furthermore, why name five seamers? The selection of five pace bowlers usually suggests a team is considering a four man pace attack – in which case, three spinners is even more unnecessary.

Even the names of the seamers selected have raised a few eyebrows. One of the reserves, Ryan Harris, is more injury prone than Alex Tudor. The Aussies are making the same mistakes that England did four years ago, when the back-up players seemed to get hospitalised faster than the guys who were actually playing.

Two months ago, the Australians were our favourites to win the Ashes. There were question marks about the form of England’s batsmen – especially Cook, Collingwood and KP – and a realisation that the Aussies usually raise their game at home. Since then, the Australians have lost to India in a test series, lost to Sri Lanka in the recent ODIs, Nathan Hauritz’s confidence has been knocked for six and Mitchell Johnson’s radar looks like it’s been borrowed from HMS Astute.

Meanwhile, the Aussies seem to be losing at every sport under the sun. Their rugby union team got memorably stuffed at Twickenham at the weekend (Chris Ashton, you beauty!), and they even managed to lose the Four Nations rugby league final to New Zealand after choking in the final seconds. What’s happened to Australia’s sporting invincibility? The Aussies had a good laugh at us four years ago, but the joke’s on Australia now.

James Morgan

3 comments

  • They even lost to English swimmers at the Commonwealth Games. [smirk].

    I was at Twickenham, by the way. Brilliant match. Never have the Aussies been so quiet. Long may it continue.

  • What is the point in having a selection panel if they pick 17 players? Are they unable to make a choice between players? Its all very strange and reminds me of England circa 1989.

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