It was 23rd October 2013 when Alastair Cook and England’s best cricketers flew out to Australia. It is now 27th January. Boy, what a tour.
Fortunately for our beleaguered captain, he can finally fly home, get some rest, and eventually chew the fat with some sense of perspective.
Stuart Broad however, the man who has suffered more abuse than anyone else over the last few months (they were still booing him at Adelaide yesterday), has to soldier on a little longer.
It’s because they’ve thrown in a couple of entirely unnecessary, not to mention tedious and irrelevant, T20s at the arse end of the tour.
Why? Because it makes money, that’s why.
It would be fun if fans boycotted these matches, just to highlight the absurdity of the schedule. I mean, in what universe does it makes sense to schedule the all the important matches first, and then bolt on a couple of brainless slogs at the end?
The whole calendar is back to front. It’s like beginning a night of boxing with the heavyweight championship of the world, and then tagging on the warm-up bouts at the end.
By the eleventh bout (for that is what the first T20 will be), the only people left watching are the janitors clearing up the stadium. Someone will probably turn the lights off and lock the doors mid-way through the first innings.
As we failed miserably to write reports on the ODIs – we had more important things to do, like washing our non-existent hair – we thought we’d better summarise what we learned.
- Ben Stokes is promising in all forms of the game.
- Jos Buttler can hit a long ball in the southern hemisphere too
- Chris Jordan can bowl a bit (not a lot, but a bit)
- Ravi Bopara still loves a good choke against the Aussies
- Ashley Giles managed one win more than Andy Flower.
So overall we learned, err, nothing particularly new at all. In fact, the only interesting thing that happened came after the third ODI when Alastair Cook got a bit emotional and suggested he might quit the captaincy.
Unfortunately though, just as soon as we thought there might be something decent to write about, Cooky reaffirmed his love for the job. Make your mind up mate.
In other news, cricket fans who bought shares in Ashley Giles are waiting to see how the market responds to England’s 1-4 defeat.
On the one hand, investors are encouraged by the fact that England seemed to have more energy on the field with Gilo in charge (although this might have something to do with the arrival of a few new players).
On the other, we still lost the series convincingly and choked horribly in the third and fifth matches.
It will be interesting to see how Paul Downton interprets events. He’ll either think (a) “a change in coach seemed to have some positive effect, so let’s sack Andy Flower”, or (b) “changing the coach made little difference in terms of results so let’s give Flower a new fifteen year contract”.
Interestingly enough, Michael Vaughan was on the radio this morning extolling the benefits of having a single coach for both test and one day cricket. Hmmm.
Do you think that man should be (a) Andy Flower (b) Ashley Giles, or (c) Someone else. Personally, I think the ECB should approach Graham Ford … Just to annoy Surrey.
James Morgan
Well James, how your tone has changed from the 1st test being absolutely vile towards the Australians, shifting through the gears to a crap bunch of Australians luckily winning a couple of tests, then down right suicidal at losing the Ashes to “that lot”, then utter resignation at losing 4-0, finally grinding to a teary halt at 5-0. You must have tried to re-start the car again when you saw the one day truck screaming towards you. 4-1 hey, gee whizz, the difference in you from November and now is quite remarkable. You seriously didn’t think you were going to win the Ashes did you? Your earlier rant suggested you did, but you were lonely out there as there was not too many who thought England would.
Anyhow, what has happened has happened and your thoughts about the one day series is interesting. If I could expand –
Cook – the ECB has horsewhipped the poor guy throughout the Australian summer. Clearly out of form, disrespectful team mates showing dissent towards him on camera, senior players letting him down and kicking sand in his face and Swann giving him the farewell bird in a press conference. I kind of wanted to feel for him as I have been a Cook fan since the Eng Under 19’s, but he didn’t stand up for himself, and let the b*st*rds beat him.
Stokes – great summer, good Kiwi attitude which I hope rubs off to the other young players. A bit green still – giving Faulkner a blast because of what he did to him in the previous match was inexperience, immature and dumb proves he has a little way to go to being a “Brendan McCullum”.
Bopra – why why why??? Ever since he did his little outline of a board with his name on it after his hundred at Lord’s, he really hasn’t done it for England. He believes he is something he isn’t. Someone should remind him that he isn’t that good and that Ponting, Tendulka and Lara are not on the honour boards at Lord’s.
Buttler – a frighteningly good player, but some “expert” has him batting down at 7. I have heard people say he has done really well batting there, but England are not doing well with him batting there. Up he goes and see what he has got. I believe he should be the test keeper.
Rankin – he looked like someone had run into the pub and asked him if wanted to throw a few balls outside in the street. Sorry, give him back to Ireland so he can prep for the world cup.
Tredwell – who???
Ashley Giles – never rated him as a test cricketer, and I’m certainly not going to rate him as a coach either. It’s Flower for all formats or they get someone else. The terrifying thought is that Giles may very well be the next England coach.
As Australia have never really taken 20/20 that seriously, I wonder if England can lift themselves and win this series. Giles and Broad together……………nah sorry, it doesn’t work.
Hi Doug,
James (the voice of reason) Maxwell has never been the one decrying the terrible Aussies. You need to aim this particular cannon at Maxie.
He’s the one bitter and twisted one.
Doug. I’m not sure the penny has quite dropped yet but we have lots of different writers here at TFT. We currently have about eight. And believe it or not, they have different opinions and like to talk about different things. That might explain the changes in tone you’re referring to at the start of your post ;-) We have no party line. We’re not Pravda (or the Daily Mail!)
Just for the record, my personal prediction before the Ashes was 2-2, and I said before the first test that if Mitchell Johnson bowled well we’d probably lose. Thanks for your views on our players. Entertaining as always!