Another bright idea

It’s another twenty four hours before England’s World Cup campaign begins, so we’ve got some time to fill. We could talk about the weekend’s matches, but there’s nothing to say really. Kenya and Canada got hammered (who would have predicted that?) and India’s batsmen scored about a thousand each against Bangladesh. We’ll let the broadsheets try and find something interesting to say about that. Instead, we’d like to stimulate our readers’ imagination by proposing a revolutionary change to the format of ODI cricket.

Day/night cricket has proved to be a huge commercial success since its launch in 1977. But we’ve thought of something better. As darkness has descended before the halfway stage in some World Cup matches thus far – effectively creating night/night games – why not take the idea even further? That’s right folks, it’s time the ICC introduced night/day cricket.

Rather than finishing games at eleven pm, when most kids have already gone to bed, why not start matches at four in the morning? Then, as the sun rises, the floodlights can slowly be turned off. Instead of having tea or lunch between innings, the players would convene for breakfast. And rather than having drinks breaks supplied by huge Gatorade buggies, Douwe Egberts would supply coffee and croissants.

Night/day matches would also have several advantages – and they’d be sure to revive the flagging popularity of cricket around the world. If matches commenced at 4am, they’d be finished in time for lunch. Therefore, there wouldn’t be clashes with other sports. The Ashes could even be rescheduled for 2012, as they wouldn’t clash with the European Football Championships. In fact, after the close of play, Lords could even put up a big screen on the outfield (like they do in Hyde Park), so that spectators could savour the Three Lions’ latest defeat. Now there’s an idea.

Anyone can see that there’s a gaping hole in the sporting schedule in the morning – how else can anyone explain the survival of Sky’s Soccer Am post Tim Lovejoy? Cricket is perfectly placed to exploit this opportunity. TV companies would be queuing up to bid for the rights.

Rather than showing old episodes of Trisha and Homes under the Hammer, networks could fill airtime with cricket. And if they don’t want to offend housewives, they could always retain Loose Women but incorporate it into the broader cricket coverage. The girls could even present the show from a jacuzzi on the boundary’s edge. I’m sure David Lloyd would only be too pleased to make a  guest appearance.

Furthermore, night/day cricket will appeal to young people – thus securing the sport’s future. We’ve already mentioned how kids miss the climax of day/night matches because it’s past their bedtime. This simply isn’t fair – and it’s turning off a generation of future stars. If cricket began early in the morning, kids could watch the whole thing. What’s more, putting kids in front of the cricket would be a great way to distract them on Saturday mornings, when all self-respecting adults are desperate for a lie in. Eureka!

Early morning starts would also attract the most lucrative customers of all i.e. drunken youths stumbling out of nightclubs. People who have consumed ten pints of lager and/or seventeen bottles of wine will spend money on anything. It’s the only time people contemplate paying £100 for a taxi home or eating a doner kebab.

Put simply, cricket needs these customers. Lords could charge twenty quid for pork baguettes (marginally more than they do now) and they’d still sell by the bucket load. Meanwhile, signed photos of Ashley Giles are likely to fetch thousands.

And just imagine the carnival atmosphere during the first hour of play. Drunken choruses of Come on Eileen and the sound of teenagers having sex in the middle of the Lord’s nursery are sure to impress MCC members.

However, it’s important to remember that cricket shouldn’t alienate its traditional fan base: men and women who hold down nine to five jobs. Thankfully, night/day cricket would benefit them too. Rather than putting their jobs at risk by scurrying away from the office early to catch the start of a day/night match, working men and women could pop into the cricket on their way to work. It just makes sense. Imagine how energised you’d feel when the alarm goes on a Monday morning if you had the cricket to look forward to.

And finally, there’s one more reason why night/day cricket is a winner. It would make following the Ashes down under a lot easier. Rather than being forced to stay up all night to see Shane Watson get out for fifty, you can tune in at a sensible time i.e. when you get home from work at seven o’clock in the evening. Err … hang on a sec.

James Morgan