The 5th Test Flat Masochism Thread

Day Four

It’s ok for you lot. You can just ignore the cricket when it’s boring and utterly depressing. But unfortunately I can’t. I’ve got a bloody blog to run. So here goes …

Day four in Chennai caused a mixture of tedium, embarrassment and then eventually mild annoyance. India piled on the runs, as you’d expect in these totally benign conditions, and England’s bowlers looked hopeless. The fact our spinners only managed six maidens combined (out of a total of 113 combined overs) says it all. They’re crap. End of.

Although Rashid has done well at times – and he’s the only one worth persevering with – his wickets have cost 37 runs each and he’s conceded nearly 4 per over. The fact he’s our one bright spot shows how desperate we are. As for Moeen, his bowling isn’t getting better; it’s getting worse. And Dawson didn’t look any better than Ansari – unless you like darts.

I don’t want to be too harsh on our bowlers, as there was precious little turn (maybe a smidgeon) and they were bowling to very good players of spin. However, they’ve been poor all series. I’m trying to highlight a long-term malaise here. Moeen should play as a batsman or not at all.

The two big talking points of the day – and this is where the ‘mild annoyance’ comes in – were (a) Kohli’s unnecessary decision to delay his declaration and (b) the decision to schedule five tests in five weeks. In my opinion there was no need for either.

I’ve heard people argue that Kohli delayed his declaration to make sure India couldn’t lose the game. What utter baloney. A lead of 200 was plenty. If you think Kohli really feared that England might score 300 in less than three sessions, declare at tea tomorrow, and then blow India away in thirty overs, then you’ve obviously not been paying attention.

England have been nothing but negative on this tour. We’re knackered, we’ve been comprehensively outplayed, and we want to go home. The captain, in particular, has nothing left in the tank. There was no way our batsmen were going to go on the offensive in a dead rubber (when they’re 200 behind) and risk another embarrassing defeat when there’s only an extremely slim chance of victory.

In my opinion Virat Kohli, being the aggressive and somewhat arrogant champion that he is, wanted to rub our faces in the dirt. He was sending a message “hey England, we thrashed you, and I’m going to make you suffer now”.

No matter how Kohli tries to justify his approach after the game I think everyone knows what he was really saying: “I’m going to toy with you … make you suffer the indignation of a rookie scoring 300 … going to make you suffer indignation of conceding 759 runs … I can do what I want … and I’m quite enjoying the forlorn look on your faces”.

Were his tactics ‘ruthless’? I don’t think so. A ruthless captain would have wanted twenty overs at England at the end of the day. A ruthless captain wants to win the game as quickly as possible, not delay a declaration so that one particular batsman can (ostensibly) reach a specific milestone. If the truth be told, Kohli could have declared when Karun reached 250.

If Kohli wants to be this way – and I think his approach probably stems from the bad blood there’s been between the sides this series – then fine. Be like that. But if he thinks anyone in England was actually watching then he’s probably mistaken. We’d all switched over long ago. I sense this was more about shoving two fingers up at James Anderson and Ben Stokes than anything else.

Now for my final whinge: the bloody schedule. Five test series are brilliant when the teams are evenly matched, and the tourists can go away and work on their games (and perhaps play some practice matches against local XIs) between tests, but it’s a ridiculous idea when one team is likely to lose heavily. All that happens is one team gets on top and we see a succession of one-sided affairs.

Obviously the schedule created by the ECB and the BCCI prioritises money. I doubt they care one iota about the players or the supporters. Therefore the boring and predictable nature of this game is partly on them. What a shame that they either don’t realise (or again don’t care) that test cricket is the loser in the long run.

As cricket fans we much prefer quality not quantity. Just like the players us supporters can become fatigued too. I hardly watched a ball today. And yet I’m one of the most passionate cricket followers you’ll ever encounter. I think the general disinterest in this test match says it all.

Day Three

There are times in a blogger’s life when you can’t wait to post something. The pulse is racing, there’s much to say, and motivation is no problem whatsoever. On other days you just can’t be bothered. There’s very little to say – well nothing you haven’t said before a million times anyway – and the game is ambling along without incident.

Today, in case you haven’t guessed, falls into the second category. I feel totally uninspired because there’s nothing to be inspired about. This pitch is too slow, too benign, and too utterly boring. It’s the kind of surface that does test cricket no favours whatsoever.

I guess England tried manfully to eek out some wickets but it just didn’t happen. Their task was like trying to mow a meadow with a cheap electric Flymo. If Aswhin struggled to take wickets on this surface then it’s hardly surprising that Rashid, Moeen and Dawson struggled.

The only real talking point of the day – other than the fact that Kohli decided to go easy on us for a change – was that Rahul was out for 199. He scooped a very wide half volley straight to cover. It was probably the worst shot of his professional career. I’m sure some people were devastated. Others laughed out loud.

This game is now intriguingly poised. Sorry, did I say intriguingly? I meant boringly. India are now 80 odd behind (I forget exactly how much) and the only chance of a result is if they go well past us tomorrow, and then bowl us out for peanuts in the second innings. I guess this could happen – hey, it’s England we’re talking about here – but the odds are probably against it.

After the generally entertaining cricket we’ve seen this winter, on pitches that gave the bowlers some sort of sniff, this final test is proving to be a damp squib. If only that cyclone had arrived a few days later and saved everyone the trouble.

Day Two

The nets were unusable at Chennai before this game so Joe Root had to practice in the street. It was the perfect preparation. This pitch is an absolute road.

There has been no seam movement whatsoever, precious little spin (Ashwin taking just one wicket in 44 overs says it all), the outfield is too damp to encourage reverse swing, and we’ve seen bugger all conventional swing all winter. What’s more, the surface is slower than slug making its way through molasses. The bowlers have got no chance.

It’s always dangerous to make assumptions in cricket but this test has bore draw written all over it. I guess we’ll only see a result if one team switches off. The experts don’t seem to think the pitch will deteriorate either.

Although I’m tempted to sign off at this point, and then hibernate for the next three days, I feel duty bound to report on the day’s events. So here goes …

England’s 477 all out was probably about par – despite the intriguing statistic that the average first innings score in Chennai is about 330. I guess this isn’t your average Chennai surface.

We were up against early on in proceedings when Stokes, Moeen and Buttler were dismissed cheaply. Stokes edge Ashwin behind (deja vu), Buttler walked across his stumps and was plum lbw, and then Moeen was caught at deep midwicket playing the pull shot.

I briefly talked about the difference between good Mo and bad Mo yesterday. Today’s Mo was the bad one. India set the trap and he fell for it hook, line and stinker. I just don’t understand how he can play so sensibly one minute and so stupidly the next. He was almost caught at deep midwicket twice before he finally holed out. It’s like the bloke can’t help himself.

England were rescued by a century stand between Liam Dawson and the wristy Adil Rashid. They played brilliantly (and entertainingly at times) and really put this pitch into perspective. Dawson looked really solid. He’s compact, organised, and looked like the frontline county batsman he is. Why England keep picking spinners for their batting is anyone’s guess but I’m not complaining today.

They say you shouldn’t judge a pitch until both teams have batted so everyone awaited India’s innings with interest. Unfortunately however, it was probably the least interesting hour or so of cricket this series. All it did was confirm just how placid this pitch is.

Cook made matters worse by setting the most negative new ball field imaginable: just two slips and a deep point saving four on the off-side. Somebody give him a slap.

If Kohli makes less than two hundred in these conditions I’ll be bloody amazed.

Day One

It looks like this series might finish the way it began: with England making a big first inning score thanks largely to runs from Root and Moeen. Let’s celebrate a good day and ignore everything that’s happened in between. After that cyclone in Chennai earlier in the week, there’s easily enough water around to wash away the bad memories.

After winning yet another important toss, England looked in all sorts of trouble when Jennings and Cook came unstuck early on. Fortunately, however, our Nos 3 & 4 weathered the storm and then made hay when the sun shone. Ideally I’d like to insert another weather cliche here but one doesn’t immediately spring to mind so I’ll move on.

In many ways it was a typical Moeen innings: he started scratchily, and was lucky to be dropped by Rahul early on, but he looked a million rupees thereafter. I’m guessing that only actually equates to about fifty quid in real terms but you get my meaning.

Mo is such an infuriating cricketer. He infuriates me more than most because he’s one of my favourite cricketers and he plays for my team Worcestershire. Every time you think he’s nailed test cricket he’ll do something brainless. Yet every time he looks like he’ll be dropped he does something sublime.

Sadly I still don’t think Mo’s a test number 4 (and he’ll surely get exposed if he bats there in Australia next winter), but I do think he’s a very good player. Ideally I’d bat him at 6. But then where will Stokes and Bairstow bat? It’s a conundrum few can solve.

As for Joe Root, what more is there to say? It’s extraordinary that he makes relatively few centuries (for a player of his immense ability) yet he still averages over 53 in test cricket. Most people who average over 50 have their stats massaged by frequent daddy hundreds. Not our Joe. He prefers to entertain the crowds for a while and then have a bit of a sit down … although it’s obviously not intentional judging by his reaction to today’s dismissal.

There’s been a lot of talk about Root’s conversion rate, and rightly so, but it’s easy to get carried away. He’s currently scored 11 tons in 97 innings (a century every 8.8 innings) which isn’t bad at all. Alastair Cook, for example, who is famed for scoring hundreds, has 30 tons in 251 innings (a century every 8.4 innings). I don’t hear much complaining about Cook’s ability to score hundreds, do you?

Let’s look at some other test legends too. Steve Waugh, a very fine player indeed, scored 32 tons in 260 innings (a century every 8.1 innings) and Rahul Dravid made 36 tons in 286 innings (a century basically every 8 innings). When you consider that Joe is only 25 years old, and has some maturing to do, he’s not badly positioned at all. He’s more than capable of improving his conversion rate in the second half of his career.

I guess what I’m saying is that you have to judge Root by the highest possible standards if you want to criticise him. One could argue that his ability is off the charts, and therefore he should be compared to these all time greats, but let’s just give him the benefit of time.

Steve Smith might have scored 15 hundreds and 18 fifties (an excellent conversion rate) but nine of those tons have come at home against ‘meh’ bowling attacks, two of them were at The Oval, and two were against the West Indies. I’m not trying to run Smith down, as he’s a very good player too, but I’m saying the sample size is still very small with these young guys. Let’s judge them a few years down the line. Personally, I have no doubt that Root will overcome this ‘problem’.

Anyway, back to the game in hand. It was a shame that Bairstow was out to a fairly soft dismissal at the end of the day, but England are still in a very good position. Let’s hope we really ram the advantage home this time. 400 clearly won’t be enough; Kohli will probably make 300 on his own.

Before I sign off, I’d like to ask what everyone made of England’s team selection. It seems a little odd that Woakes was dropped. I wonder if the management are backing Ball to somehow justify his selection in Mumbai? After his performances last summer, it seems ridiculous harsh to dispense with Woakes.

When it comes to Dawson, I imagine the management didn’t feel they had any other choice. I doubt having a third inexperienced spinner will make much difference but I guess there’s no credible batting alternative. Once again, let’s give the selectors a round of applause for handicapping the team so effectively.

James Morgan

46 comments

  • With the benefit of hindsight (& probably without it), the selection of the squad is pretty indefensible… but I do like that Yorkshire have effectively stuck up two fingers and appointed Ballance captain.

    Root, judging by his comments, is disappointed in himself, and I’d back him to improve from here.
    As far as the England order is concerned, once Hameed is back, we have a natural 1-4 (assuming Cook doesn’t retire), and an embarrassment of riches in the middle order.
    It will get better – and we’ll beat India next time around. (I’m a hopeless optimist.)

  • It’s actually 16 centuries now for smith. Bit tough on the assessment of the “meh” bowling attacks he’s scored 5 against Anderson and broad who have been consistently around top 10 during the period.

    • The “meh” ones were only in Australia, but that still includes two against England. I’m sure Jimmy and Broady are okay with being “meh” though. :)

      It’s a bit unfair on Boult/Southee I might add and the current Pakistan attack of Amir/Riaz/Yasir isn’t too bad. The Indian attack Smith took four hundreds off was pretty “meh” – but is a performance of four first innings’ hundreds in a four-Test series still not pretty good?

      • We’re England competitive and mentally with it during the Ashes whitewash? Not for me. We were a beaten mess – imploding and in fighting.

      • No arguments about the one’s against India being against a meh attack. And the wacca one was on a road with both Warner and Ross Taylor scoring double centuries.

    • I would possibly take Gough and Caddick over Jimmy and Broad (or at least it’s very close) but that’s an argument for another day ;-)

      • I thought Caddick was under-rated and under-appreciated. He should have played more tests. (Perhaps not popular enough in the dressing room?)

  • On Root’s 50–100 conversion rate, obviously that would also look better if he got the same number of 100s but fewer 50s — but clearly repeatedly getting himself out on 40something wouldn’t be an improvement.

    He’s got a 50 in every match in this series, so rather than feeling rueful that more of them aren’t converted to 100s, try thinking of some of them as additional ‘bonus’ 50s: they aren’t centuries that got away, but 25s that have been expanded …

  • Cook’s conversion rate in the last 3 and a half years is definitely an issue for me, as is Root’s rate in the last 18 months. Cook has 5 test tons in his last 47 previous matches (he may still have the opportunity for a 2nd innings ton on this pitch). The more pliant press corps keep on going on about all the records that he breaks, including embarrasingly how young he is compred to SRT when he reached the same landmarks yet there was no comparison as to the number of games played/average etc. At the start of the 2013 home Ashes series Cook had 25 tons off 92 games. He really had an opportunity to home in on 51 tons and more if he had continued on a similar test to game trajectory as before. Now I’d say it was looking distant to say the least yet it rarely gets picked up.

    It is also reasonable to ask where the other tons have been when England have failed to beat Pakistan at home, Bangladesh away and have had the floor wiped with them on the current tour. You have said your piece before about Cook’s “greatness”, James. I think it is only fair that this aspect is discussed when you talk about where he truly stands currently. Root too. Root is one of the most complete batsman that I can recall play for England, probably the most complete. Yet it is wrong to say that uncoverted ’50s can’t be a problem. I used to have a go at Ian Bell fans for being too self satisfied with all his unconverted knocks so there’s no way I can’t discuss the failings of these two.

  • Awful way to end a test series. Rubbish pitch and absolute road. How to devalue runs easily.. just play on wickets like this. Snore draw unless one team internally implodes with the bat

  • I think the groundsman and his staff have pulled off a miracle to get this pitch in to a state where it is playable, and should be recognised and applauded for their efforts!

    • Absolutely agreed. Sometimes I think madaboutcricket must be the reincarnation of either Don Mosey or Trevor Bailey.
      (I loved them both on TMS, but if there is a word for a combination of cantankerous and morose, they jointly epitomised it.)

  • I had no problem with Ball over Woakes. Whilst Woakes is a far superior cricketer (to Ball and Broad) he has played a lot of cricket and has the ODIs to come (and his figures will benefit from not bowling on a road). Where I am puzzled is the decision to go with 3 spinners when we have shown ours are not good enough (and Root is an adequate 3rd spinner if needed).

    Dawson is a conundrum. He batted very well – but that is not his role. He bowled like a club spinner on a bad day; not Kerrigan standard but certainly not FC either. The positive was that he got some turn (after entirely losing his ability to turn the ball 2 years ago this is good). The bad is that he consistently bowled the wrong length, enabling the batsman to go back and play off the back foot with no problems. I am afraid that he confirmed to me that he is not a test bowler unless this was a (very) bad day for him. He made Ali and Rashid look Ashwin standard.

    • Woakes a “far superior cricketer” to Broad? When he’s bowled three Ashes’ winning spells and won a match in a difficult foreign field like Johannesburg, maybe…..

      • I am not criticising Broad’s record but he is not the player he was. His batting is gone forever, understandably after that blow. His bowling remains a good weapon but he only produces it sporadically these days. In many spells he trundles at 81/82. In the past he was consistently a strike bowler in the high 80s. I suspect he paces himself these days to protect his knees which would be sensible as knee tendonitis is a chronic condition to be managed rather than cured.

  • Anyone know what the world class stokes has done this series so far ?

    9 innings so far I believe

  • I disagree about Moeen, James. He was the only batsman to get past a hundred in our first innings (and then some), then Cook completely lost it by bowling him over after over despite him looking totally knackered. The same to a lesser extent applies to Rasheed. Cook’s demeanor in the field today looked as if he was thinking that once Karun got to 250, Kohli would declare, then when he didn’t he just hoped the innings would close when the opener got to 300.

    I think this team can go no further under Cook, and the sooner he goes, the better.

    • So who is a serious and viable option to replace cook??

      Root? Do we really want to lump everything on one man??
      Stokes.. lol.. over rated and a hot head
      Ali.. doesn’t even command a spot in the team.. avg 30’s .. bowling awful.. wafty and runs on roads.. ohhh great
      Anderson.. old
      Broad.. old

  • James, I disagree about it being wrong to play 5 tests. We don’t have a test match until july next year which is a disgrace. I also don’t blame kohli for destroying this England team, it’s got some players who are over rated and he’s just showing them that actually, they aren’t very good. The wicket is a disgrace but hey.. moeeen ali scored a ton so everyone else should have… if they didn’t, then they only have themselves to blame.

    I agree our spinners are crap, but everyone who isn’t brainwashed knows that and the utter bull crap around this team is intoxicating and sadly believed. Stokes is lauded as a world class allrounder.. wickets at thirty plus.. average at what.. thirty five.. yeah, that’s nowehere near world class people.. get a grip. The guy isn’t anywhere close to justifying a top,six slot, let alone a world class tag. Moeeen ali… hahaha.. guy is nothing but a seven or eight.. list goes on and on

    England, stop listening to the media who are paid to bull crap things up and get a reality check.. this isn’t even a good Indian side …

    Test of mental strength for every player now.. if they fail then that shows they just couldn’t care less.. no excuses either.. they are well paid for playing a game

  • It is peevish to complain about the pitch and say the play today was dull. Nair’s innings was a masterclass. He is highly orthodox. He doesn’t have a mass of twitchy trigger movements. he stands still, decides what to do and then plays. His defence is immaculate and his cover driving is peachy. He is a model of classical batsmanship, unlike most of the people who get auditioned for a place in the England set-up. The way he accelerated session after session was masterly. The way he smashed a wilting attack in the final session was as ruthless as IVA Richards at his peak but much more elegant.

    • Better than Viv Richards eh? I accept it wasn’t dull for the Karun fan club. But when 500 plays 750 in a test match, it’s hardly the most exciting cricket … unless you like one sided affairs.

        • I love classical elegant stroke play! Just because I said day 4 wasn’t an even contest between bat and ball doesn’t mean I don’t think Karun is a good player. And where on earth do I say Moeen is a better player than him? Not sure where this hostility comes from.

          • so what about day five? did the indian team dig the surface or chewed gum or what? what you write is completly one sided shit(read your comments from day 1 n 2) and then you say people should not enjoy a one sided game just cause your team is crap?

            • I don’t enjoy one sided games regardless of whether I’m in the team handing out a thrashing or receiving. It’s a sure fire way to out people off the game.

              Wickets like we had here and at rajkot are awful test wickets. The fact moeen ali managed to score 2 tons says it all really.. oh and stokes getting Tom on a road too.. 2 score sin ten digs.. yeah world class!!

            • The day five report is in a new article called ‘England Raise The White flag’. It’s the top story on the homepage and it’s very complimentary about India and Kohli. If you were a regular reader of this blog you’d know I’ve often discussed India’s evolution as a side. However, it’s perfectly fair for me to criticise Kohli when I disagree with something he’s done. This site is all about opinion. Kohli has had a much easier ride than Cook!

              Re: the site being one-sided, yes that’s exactly what it is. It’s an England blog giving an England supporter’s perspective. This is very clear from our bio. England supporters have not enjoyed the cricket in this game. That shouldn’t come as a surprise.

  • England aren’t good enough. Media driven hype over players has them believing it. A not very good India have pulled their pants down and rogered them silly..

    No new skipper would have done any better.. simple fact.. these players just aren’t that good

    • Thanks for visiting The Full Toss. India fans are always welcome (as are fans of every team). But please join the debate constructively rather than just making insults. If you read today’s report you’ll see plenty of praise for India’s performance.

  • I’ve just read that Leach wasn’t considered as a spin option because of doubts about the legality of his action.

    And yet they took Batty………

    • Anyone that doesn’t say that the majority of modern spinners don’t chuck are deluded. The amount of chuckers in cricket both professional and amateur is disgusting

  • Well James, England have done the completely predictable and gotten themselves all out in the second innings to lose the series 4-0. That was terrible, shades of Bangladesh all over again.

  • Sadly I’m reading and hearing that England are close to being a top side etc etc

    People really are deluded

    Hameed has potential
    Jennings potential but he doesn’t look like he’ll do that well for a year or two
    Cook looks fried.. hasn’t scored meaningful runs in how long
    Root isn’t a three and needs a kick up the backside.. stop worrying about being busy and all that crap and bat properly for a long time
    Ali at five.. good joke.. guys not good enough and only scores on roads
    Stokes .. umm, two scores in ten digs.. avg what.. thirty five.. yeah not good enough for a top six batter and certinaky not good enough to be lauded by people as a super star
    Bairstow… not quite as good as people thought.. he’s a five tops , more six

    Spin.. we don’t have any but knew that

    Pace.. our attack is so slow.. no zip to it.. we literally rely on green tops

    Summary.. this team is over hyped.. over rated and I have no doubt it’ll all be fine next year on a few green tops vs a declining sa, crap aus and woeful wi

  • Random subject.. I think it’s time the ecb brought back draw cricket in all ecb leagues to promote proper batting. Win lose hit and giggle is destroying batsmenship and at some point people will finally admit it

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