England Cricket Team To Change Name

We have some breaking news for you. Alastair Cook has just announced that the England cricket team will henceforth be known as the Eagglnd team. Here are some quotes from the skipper:

Although the England team has always been known as an entity called ‘England’, and this name has been a pretty successful formula for us over the years, we just feel that now, with all the changes to the modern game, we need to accommodate an extra ‘g’. This will really help us to compete in different parts of the world by hamstringing the side. I’m genuinely excited.

Obviously the move has left some purists scratching their heads. Does the team really need two ‘g’s? Although the second ‘g’ is improving its work behind the stumps, its batting has been exposed at the very top level (technical problems). Consequently critics argue that the first ‘g’ can do the job instead – thus facilitating the addition of extra consonants which might create a more balanced name.

And why the sudden promotion of the letter ‘n’, which had been performing rather nicely for several centuries in the lower-middle order? Cook had this to say to the management’s critics:

We’ve tried lots and lots of different ‘n’s since Andrew Strauss retired but although they’ve all done ok, none of them has really taken their opportunity with both hands. It’s been frustrating. Therefore, as the conditions in the UAE are quite unique, and the ball literally doesn’t bounce – at all – and Pakistan don’t actually have a single fast bowler – at all – we’ve decided to move ‘a’ up the order to the number two spot. We’re not setting anyone up to fail though.

Although the move seems utterly nonsensical, the laid back ‘a’ has taken the news in good humour:

I’m just happy to play for England. I don’t think much, I just play my natural game – even if that means swishing aimlessly at wide balls in the over before tea. Whatever helps the team really. It’s all about the team  … balls in the right areas … take the positives … you know.

We’ll have to see how the ostracised letter ‘n’ feels. Although he’s been told to go back to his county and score lots of runs, one feels it’s the end of the road for the nation’s top order specialists in general. Should ‘a’ fail to shine in his new role – which seems quite likely considering his iffy shot selection and inability to play the short ball – rumour has it that the letter ‘h’ is next in line.

The prospect of England turning up in Durban on boxing day as an entity called ‘Ehgglnd’ now looks a real possibility. But why pick a balanced word, with all the letters working in harmony in familiar roles, when you can create a total pig’s ear instead?

Here’s the full article if you’re interested.

James Morgan

@DoctorCopy

 

12 comments

  • Ok James! Very funny but we all know that Cooky can’t talk and what what would you have said in his place?! I confess I did smile :-)

    • Not meant to be a dig at Cook really. He’s just the messenger on this one. The quotes were from Cook in the cricinfo article I was parodying.

  • Aaarghhh!!! So we really are going to continue to dick about the best spinning all-rounder we’ve had in my lifetime, and Hales’s intro to Test cricket looks like being in SA vs Steyn, Morkel & Co? That’ll be nice…

    Should’ve stuck with Lyth. Graham Gooch made his first Test hundred in his 36th innings…

  • Shahid Afridi is one of the best captain, pakistan can find. In the comming psl you will see an amazing performance by the team.You can watch PSL t20 live here .When it starts. Pakistan Performance will improve highly in the comming T20 Worldcup due to PSL. Afridi will play a major role in the next T20 Worldcup.

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