The 3rd Test Facepalm Thread

Day 3

I’ll just repeat the last thing I wrote yesterday afternoon: “I sense that tomorrow could be the crucial day in the series”. Well, I bloody hope not because India were all over us like a cheap churidar kurta. We struggled to take the last four Indian wickets – enabling them to pile up a commanding 417 – and then our top order fell in a heap before the close. It was utterly depressing.

There were only two bright spots for England today. Their names were Adil Rashid and Ben Stokes. The latter picked up 5-73 and proved, yet again, that England should be relying on their seamers not subpar spinners.

Gareth Batty bowled just 16 fruitless overs in India’s innings. His place could, and perhaps should, have been given to Jake Ball. As long as a team has a good balance between pacemen and slow bowlers (and two spinners is quite enough in my humble opinion) you’re better off simply picking your best bowlers, irrespective of the surface.

Anyway, it’s probably a red herring to blame the bowling attack when your top order has failed twice in the same match. England find themselves in this rather large hole, or perhaps I should call it an abyss, because we can’t bat for toffee.

Once again Cook was all over the place – he was almost lbw twice before he was finally clean bowled through the gate in rather embarrassing fashion – and Moeen Ali played another desperately poor shot. I’m sorry Mo but you looked like a number eight in this game.

When Jonny Bairstow somewhat unfortunately feathered a ball that kept low to Patel, England were really up against it. When Stokes was lbw to Ashwin just before the close, we were probably through the wall and beyond it.

It’s hard to see us coming back from 78-4 (still 56 behind and with Hameed nursing an injury). Unless something remarkable happens the game will be done and dusted by this time tomorrow.

It’s hard to know what to say when you’ve been so comprehensively outplayed. Some used the pitch as an excuse at Vizag, and said it was a ‘win the toss, win the game’ kind of surface. Well, we don’t even have that excuse this time. Unless we can concoct some sort of tenuous ‘win the toss, lose the game’ logic.

Can you see us escaping our current predicament? It’s got to be highly unlikely now. They say that one bad session can cost you a test match. Well, England had three stinkers today. Credit must go to India, of course, but boy we haven’t helped ourselves.

So it guess it’s over to you Joe Root. You are now the only thing standing in the way of a 2-0 deficit. You’ll need an ally or two along the way – which might be Jos Buttler or someone like Chris Woakes – but it will take a Headlingley ’81 type miracle to save our skins from here.

Day Two

Unfortunately I wasn’t able to watch too much of Sunday’s play – something called ‘family’ got in the way – but thankfully I saw the passage of play that defined the day.

India were coasting at 148-2 when a flurry of wickets just after tea got England right back into things. The game is now poised intriguingly, and if we can break the crucial Ashwin and Jadeja partnership early tomorrow morning then we’ll be in a strong position.

It has been an interesting test match thus far. Not because the quality has been particularly good – both sides have been careless and will be kicking themselves to an extent – but because error strewn games often create intriguing contests that oscillate wildly.

Both teams will be very disappointed with how they’ve batted. Although India, and now England, have bowled tidily, the batsmen simply haven’t made the most of this good batting pitch. Some decent deliveries have been bowled, don’t get me wrong, but most of the wickets have come through poor shots and errors of judgement.

England’s top order should’ve been court marshalled after their performance yesterday morning. But India threw away their advantage during a crazy half hour in which their middle order imploded in a similar fashion.

First of all Pujara, who made yet another century, lost focus and hit a rank long-hop straight down a fielder’s throat. Then the luckless Rahane, who should probably go for a few beers with Ballance and Duckett, failed to pick Rashid’s googly and was trapped lbw. Initially I thought it was outside the line but DRS adjudged it was umpire’s call.

Worse was to come for India when Nair’s first tests innings came to an abrupt end thanks to a classic ‘yes … no … sorry’ balls up by Kohli. It was a brilliant piece of fielding by Buttler.

At this point it looked as though India were doing a good impression of England in Dhaka. When Stokes then removed Kohli – who finally edged one outside off stump to Bairstow – I could hardly believe my eyes. England were on top and marching towards a first innings lead.

Unfortunately however, India rallied in the last hour. Ashwin and Jadeja, who are both more than handy with the willow, saw the hosts through to the close. But India aren’t out of the woods yet. Batting last is rarely easy in this part of the world, so they’ll need a lead of at least sixty or seventy tomorrow. And that aint gonna to be easy.

Unlike Rajkot and Vizag, this game could go either way now. Don’t forget to set your alarm for 3.45am and then pull a sickie. I sense that tomorrow could be a crucial day in the series.

Day One

Well that was crap. We actually won the toss this time but threw the opportunity away. In what were described by Mike Atherton as ‘the best batting conditions of the whole winter’ we limped to a flaccid 268-8. Several batsmen got in but then threw their wickets away in a fit of carelessness. My old headmaster would have called it ‘decidedly unsatisfactory’.

Perhaps we shouldn’t get carried away with the doom and gloom at this stage, because we might (in theory) bowl India out for a similar total. However, on today’s evidence I think that’s probably unlikely. Other than the ripsnorter that dismissed Prince Haseeb, the ball hardly deviated all day. There was no seam movement and bugger all turn. 400 should’ve been well within reach.

The fate of England innings often rests squarely on the shoulders of Cook and Root. And today, alas, both were rubbish. Cook was dropped twice on his way to 27 (he effectively made 27-3) and Root played a shot so bad it almost broke my television … although I’m sure my Mrs would’ve blamed me had the coffee cup I hurled across the room actually hit the screen.

I don’t think I’ve seen such an accomplished player play across the line so badly since Graham Gooch was being schooled by Terry Alderman in the 1980s.

Next to go was Moeen Ali who reminded bowlers around the world that he’s not exactly the best exponent of the pull. Keep it in your locker next time Mo. And then there was Ben Stokes, who ran down the pitch, missed the ball by a mile, and might as well have kept on walking towards the pavilion. It was an ugly moment.

It was the fifth wicket, which has been by far England’s most productive partnership this year, which temporarily restored some sanity. Jonny Bairstow was excellent yet again – he nearly always delivers when the team needs it most – and Jos Buttler was also a pleasant surprise.

Although it’s easy for eye-players like Buttler to push though the line on flat wickets (the lack of movement means their technique isn’t tested) what impressed me was the application Jos showed. He strolled to the wicket with the team under massive pressure but he dug in admirably. It was a proper test innings by what looked like a proper test batsman … until he chipped an innocuous ball to extra cover. Well, he wasn’t the only one to get in and then screw up.

At this point in the day, England’s best hope was for Jonny and Chris Woakes to see England through to the end of the day. A score of 280-6 wouldn’t have been particularly good, but it wouldn’t have been an outright disaster. Unfortunately however, neither was able to stick around until the close. When Bairstow was trapped lbw and then Woakes was clean bowled, it capped off a dismal day in an aptly depressing way.

Tune in tomorrow for what’s likely to be another tale of angst and misery. It’s a good thing us humble English folk relish adversity.

James Morgan

32 comments

  • It’s not all gloom and doom though. India really missed the opportunity to wrap this up on Day 1. Much depends on whether the Vijay-Pujara-Kohli express takes off or not. England have a fighting chance here. This square seems to be much more conducive to reverse swing. Jimmy should be dangerous. And time for Stokes to step up with the ball as well. If they can cut through that top order quickish then you have have an off-colour Rahane, a debutant, a wicketkeeper(I hope they open with Pujara) coming back after eight years and the tail with a reversing ball. Let’s see how this unfolds.

    And any runs they can add tomorrow morning should be worth their weight in gold. Can Batty bat?

  • I didn’t see any of today’s play, but I’m glad that (contrary to my own rather gloomy prediction) Jos Buttler seems to have actually managed to play a useful hand. Granted most of the other batsmen except Bairstow made it easy for him to shine by being crap. You never know, we may yet bowl our way back into this game, but the problem is we’re left pinning our hopes on that happening far too often. I actually thought nos. 1-6 looked like the strongest batting unit England have fielded for a while, but it’s funny how the issues remain even when some of the faces change.

  • I watched live from just before Moeen Ali’s wicket and I don’t think that conditions are quite as unhelpful as you say. The odd one turned and there was some reverse swing (there is quite a large square with some bare wickets which should help rough the ball up). It’s probably a below-par score but we’ll see when India bat on it.

    It could have been much worse but for India dropping four catches. Their outfielding was also mediocre and must have cost them 25 runs. The luckless Shami was the main victim. The outfield is quite quick.

    India will need a first innings’ lead in three figures.

  • Terrible batting display and complete lack of application from nearly all the England batters. Buttler looks like he’s trying to adjust but still got done a few times until his demise.

    Happy hooker ali who simply can’t play the short ball should never ever be top six batter. It’s tiring to see how he’s lauded as a great batter. Sooner he’s back at 8 the better.

    Well batted bairstow fella.. lone hand this innings.. the rest of you (hameed excluded).. brain dead and way too attacking.. ffs it’s a test match not white ball so take your time

    • I think Simon mentioned yesterday something I wanted to say but forgot. I don’t think that Moeen is quite good enough to be a test No.4 (can anyone seriously see him batting there in the Ashes down under next winter?) but it surely doesn’t help that they keep moving him up and down the order. He’s now batted 2, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8 for England. The only place he hasn’t batted is 3 … which is where he’s always batted for Worcs! Bizarre. They did a similar thing to Vikram Solanki in the one day team.

      • Surely by now everyone realises that batting top order in the cc is not a bench mark to success in that position in tests ?

        Ali 3 but looks like an 8
        Lyth opener but failed
        Hales opener… failed
        Root opened… he’s a 4

        Etc etc

  • Buttler did well for someone out of practice but I will never believe he will make a test bat until he learns that the reverse sweep is for white ball only. I don’t care if it comes off today – it is a high risk shot which can only be justified when chasing runs.

    I think it a little unfair to say that only the Hameed ball deviated. Whilst I agree the others got themselves out, Bairstow and Woakes also got good balls. Bairstow’s turned and Woakes came back and kept a touch low.

    I do think England need to show more imagination and flexibility in their batting order. The classic example is where to bat Woakes. He is one of our best bats to spin but less sure against the new ball, so surely it makes sense to get him in whenever he will maximise his time facing spin. That way he can do what he does best – the anchor man to spinners – and free his partners to play their game. Stokes is almost the opposite and seems happiest with pace on the ball. Use them flexibly to get maximum advantage rather than being bound by a set order.

    I think it will be a difficult task to win from here but I assume the wicket will deteriorate, so all is not lost.

  • Pretty miserable contingent here at the moment.
    I actually think England are doing fairly well given their inexperience. Of those playing today, only Cook, Anderson, Root and Bairstow have played a test in India before this series. Cook and Root have disappointed given their records, but other than that their are reasons for optimism.
    We seem to have found an opener; our seamers look very decent in tough conditions; we might just have a respectable leg spinner.

    And I think we still have a good shout of winning this test.

  • Can’t help feeling that Cook missed a couple of tricks today. First, he looks to have gone from underbowling Rashid to overbowling him in the space of a couple of matches. Prolonging a spell until the bowler starts to take punishment is reactive rather than proactive captaincy.
    Secondly, I have to wonder if it wasn’t a mistake taking the second new ball just before the close against very well set batsmen. Not taking it probably wouldn’t have cost any more runs, and the new ball first thing in the morning with fresh bowlers and different conditions would have been a much more difficult prospect for India’s pair. Taking the new ball just before the close is by the book – and Cook’s captaincy has never aspired to anything above that, IMO.

  • You’re right about the quality (i.e. lack of it). This is the problem with back-to-back tests. It’s just not possible to sustain quality of play while insisting on this kind of punishing schedule.

    • That’s an interesting point Clive. Not one I’ve heard elsewhere. You could be right. It’s hard to maintain intensity day after day and week after week. Perhaps these mental errors by both teams (and dropped catches) are due to fatigue – mental more than physical.

      • I think that is a very good point. You can’t expect world class quality when you are playing this much test cricket. Standards will slip.

        All in all a good day for England, if we can get out of this with a 50 run deficit we will be happy.
        The hard work begins then. We have to fight, scrap and battle our way to 350.

    • Good point but I don’t think its that. At least not yet. There has been plenty of brainless and nervy cricket from both sides right from the first match. It almost feels like both the teams put each other on edge. India knows that England is the one team that can challenge them in these conditions. The effect of three straight series defeats cannot be underestimated. And Day 5 in Rajkot seemed to have reopened some scars, however briefly. It was particularly visible in the atrociously defensive fields Kohli set for the couple of hours before Hameed’s run out in Vishakapatnam.

      With England, there is this underlying feeling with the way they’ve played their cricket that they just don’t believe they have what it takes to beat India in these conditions. First with the bowling in Rajkot and then with the way they’ve approached their batting in these last two games.

      • “India knows that England is the one team that can challenge them in these conditions”.

        Er, I think they knew that about SA as well which was why the Saffers got presented with the pitches that they did on their last tour.

        • Er… Nope. No one really expected South Africa to give even a semblence of a fight. Steyn was injured. The rest of the pacers just don’t cut it in the subcontinent. Kallis had retired. Amla was in terrible form. For some strange reason they refused to pick Quinton De Kock. AB was their lone fighter and he seems to have this habit of buckling under when the stakes get too high. And buckle he did.

          The spin trio most certainly didn’t require those raging turners to beat the Saffers. Nagpur especially was a disgrace. Pitches like those devalue the performances of quality spinners whilst making part timers like Dean Elgar and Michael Clarke unplayable. I’m glad we don’t have pitches like that this series because they offer a better chance of victory to England than the ones we’ve played on and they really do devalue ‘talent’. And pitches like that really are a bit of lottery with somewhat equally matched teams. South Africa and India were the opposite of equal. In the one game in Bangalore that was washed out South Africa batted first on a pancake flat wicket and were stilled bowled out for 200 odd. Thats how far the South African team had slid. No wonder you chaps beat them at home too.

          Peace.

  • Cook through the gate, and Ali to a nothing shot…
    England don’t seem to have what it takes in their second innings, thus far.

  • What a horrible day. Couldn’t have gone much worse.

    Cook looked really bad today. Does he need a rest? Does he need to give up the captaincy? He was almost lbw twice before he was finally done neck and crop to a ball that didn’t turn and went straight through the gate. India fans might argue he effectively scored 39-6 in this test match. Very unlike him.

  • We need to be careful not to overreact. Cook is having a sticky patch, but has come through worse before. And we know Moeen Ali is not a no3 and would not have batted there but for Hameed’s finger. However, one thing which is unforgiveable is the tramline thinking of the England camp. With 30 minutes to go the 3rd wicket goes down and it was essential that we lose no more (or at least preserve what are seen as our main bats), so what do they do? They stick rigidly with the batting order and send out Stokes, a man who is always feast or famine, and ask him – as a left hander – to face Ashwin with his tail up. Yes, he got a good ball, but a right hand bat with a pure defensive mind set would have had much more chance of defending that ball. Woakes should have been sent in as night watchman and there would have been a decent chance we would have been 3 down at close rather than 4 down. You may or may not agree with my view of Woakes (I actually think he is a better bat to spin than Stokes or Buttler) but this was a situation made for him.

    • Totally agree. Bad idea to send Stokes in to face 30 minutes on a day in which he’d out bowled both Ali and Batty. He deserved to put his feet up and come in rested the next day. And the team required it.

  • Jimmy has had another quiet match so far. Seems to happen more frequently these days. Beginning of the end? I thought he’d work Patel over and again produce some magic reverse when India’s middle order comes on. Pitch had nothing in it for him but still, he is James Anderson! Hope he gets to blaze away in glory for a couple more years at least. Indian fan here and he seems to be a dick by most accounts but boy do I love watching him bowl.

    Broady was definitely missed.

    Not sure another pacer is the answer either. You have to be exceptional or quiiick to make it work. They could use another batsman who could play spin but where will they find one? The selectors ought to be sacked. Jake Ball should certainly play, at least to take the strain off Anderson, Broad and Stokes.

    Again and again, it feels like Cook just makes the wrong choices on the field. Please please please take the captaincy away from him.

    • Cook looks absolutely worn out. The job always gets ’em in the end. His batting is diminishing and he’s always been hopeless in the field, as lacking in tactical acumen as any full-time captain we’ve ever had in my view. 13 overs of Moeen in nearly 140? Nothing to suggest he was ill or injured. What was all that about?

  • I need say nothing .. cooks in poor form but like 2010 he should come through.. if he’s still struggling come the end of 2017 summer then worry.

    Ali not good enough
    Stokes is too unreliable
    Bairstow isn’t a 4
    Urgh.. sigh

  • I just reckon that the squad was poorly selected from the off with regards to England. No-one thought that Ballance was a good selection, the Batty selection also being poor. It also has to be pointed out that the previous Lions graduates who have been upgraded, the likes of Vince last summer and now Duckett haven’t worked out.

    Then we now have the situation of the Lions tour going to the UAE late on in this tour when with the Pakistan series last year, the Lions have surely needed to be in Asia far earlier than just now for some preparation. There should have been a tour there perhaps last year so that you have some players with experience of the conditions being able to come into the squad. With two tests left it is already likely to be a bit too late. Did the England senior management not think about that in the last couple of years?

    • Well, I wrote an article about England’s poor selection before the tour began. I don’t want to crow, because I naturally got a few things wrong too, but I think most of us were concerned by the balance of the squad and the selections of Batty and Ballancs in particular. At the end of the day, I just don’t trust James Whitaker’s judgement. He’s not a conniving person in the slightest, and I have similar doubts about Gus Fraser too. Good bloke but has rarely said anything that’s made me sit up and think ‘you know what, that’s a great point’ (even when he was a journo). I really don’t know enough about Newell, but I do know I dislike the fact that two of our selectors are full time employees of counties. It’s a conflict of interest and makes selection more complicated than it needs to be (even if the problem is just one of perception).

      • I think it goes past just the judgement of selectors to be honest. I’m calling out the senior management including the likes of Flower and Lord Strauss. Flower has pushed through a few of the Lions graduates towards the eyes of the selectors and Strauss is one who could have ensured that the Lions have had experience of Asia ahead of an English tour going there but no, they have one in the last few weeks before Christmas when there are now only 2 tests that any player could be shipped across.

        I also see that Flower brought in his old friend David Parsons to work with players at Loughborough. I thought that they were looking at Loughborough and it’s adequacies?

  • So who is called up to replace Hameed? I see the calls are for Jennings or Gubbins, two players who have each had one good season and have never been exposed to test standard bowling. I am sure people will say that was true of Hameed – but he is 19 and had no FC record before 2016. Jennings and Gubbins are 5 and 3 years older and had a poor FC record before 2016. They may make test openers but it would be unfair and unwise to ask them to start against India.

    If not Jennings or Gubbins then who. I would call for someone with experience and knowledge of the conditions. I can only see two candidates. Either go back to Hales with the risk that entails, or swallow the selectorial pride and call for Bell and ask him to do a two match stint as opener. I know which I prefer – and it isn’t Hales.

    • Bell actually only averages 27 in India in 8 tests and 36 in Asia overall.

      Really surprised me as I’ve always thought him a good touch player who would have done well.

      • There is no good answer – and Bell would not be the first thought as opener. He just seems the best short term option. In this situation experience is essential. :)

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER

copywriter copywriting